


I Seem to have Fallen Down the Wrong Trouser Leg of Time

by InsidiousIntent



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, M/M, Parallel Universes, mumble mumble science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2020-05-28 05:36:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19387573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsidiousIntent/pseuds/InsidiousIntent
Summary: Michael may not have a single fucking clue what’s going on here, but if there is one thing he can be sure about, it’s that this isn’t right, that he doesn’t belong here.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The idea really came from watching Into the Spiderverse, and my deep-seated love for all things multiverse. This fic was almost abandoned, but [estel_willow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estel_willow/pseuds/estel_willow) dragged me back into this kicking and screaming. So this one is her fault. 
> 
> Mostly unbetaed.

* * *

**Michael (there)**

Michael Guerin has spent a lot of time waking up in unknown beds with no idea how he got there. This is however, the first time he has woken up in an unknown bed with a naked body he immediately recognized. 

This is also the first time there’s a puppy snoozing on his belly. 

Michael is so stunned by this absurd picture of a tiny beagle puppy sleeping soundly on his stomach, he doesn’t even react when a kiss is pressed to his shoulder. 

“It’s a Saturday, why are you up already?” Alex Manes asks him, voice rough from sleep.

Alex, who is currently wrapped around him like a giant octopus like he obviously belongs here.

Michael can’t handle this weirdness any longer, so he does the only logical thing; jumps up from the bed, almost throwing the puppy at Alex and runs to the bathroom and locks the door. 

Breathing hard and out of ideas, he turns the water on and lets it run to the coldest temperature, heart pounding in his ears. This _can’t_ be real, this has to be a dream. How did he even get here? He doesn’t even know where here _is_ for fuck’s sake. 

He hears Alex get out of bed and walk up to the bathroom door. Michael notes dazedly how Alex never picked up a crutch. 

“Are you doing this to get out of puppy duty today? You know I will go to the Crashdown and leave you here to deal with Milo with no coffee and no breakfast.”

“No you’re not,” Michael shoots back immediately, thankful to whatever power is working here that they haven’t lost their ability to banter. 

Alex chuckles softly, moving away from the bathroom door, “fine I won’t. But if I have to make coffee and breakfast this early then I expect a shower blow job at the least.”

Michael continues to be floored. 

It isn’t like he doesn’t dream of waking up in bed with Alex. That dream of domesticity has been a part of his psyche long enough that he doesn’t even acknowledge it as a dream anymore. But he remembers the devastation on Alex’s face when Michael had told him about his love feeling like a crash landing, and how Maria was the way forward for Michael. For months now Michael’s nightmares have been a mix of the moment Max’s constant presence in his brain screamed its last note, and of the teary confession from Alex that Michael was the one person he hoped wouldn’t leave Alex behind but the universe proved him wrong again. 

So the fact that Alex is here with him in a bedroom (an apartment?) being friendly and flirty is making his head spin and heart ache in a way it hasn’t for months now. 

Michael wonders if he can just sit here in this locked bathroom until he either wakes up from his latest bender, but it is probably easier to get out of here and find Isobel. She could help him figure out what the fuck is going on here. 

“Babe, you ok in there?” Alex’s voice cuts through Michael’s frantic planning. 

Michael takes a single steadying breath, pulls himself away from the sink and slams open the door. He catches Alex mid-knock, but he doesn’t pull away as Michael tries to get out. Alex’s hands are suddenly on his shoulders, keeping him in the bathroom doorway. 

“Babe, what’s going on?” Alex’s voice has gone all Air Force Captain order-esque, expecting immediate compliance. 

“I need to find Isobel,” Michael immediately responds since Michael has never been able to resist Alex’s military voice, and lying would require too much effort right now. 

Alex’s hands fall from his shoulders, letting Michael past him, “what, Isobel? What happened?”

“I need Isobel to wake me up,” Michael answers as he walks back to the bed, trying to find his phone. 

Alex has gone stock still, his entire body frozen in a way that is painfully familiar to Michael. He ignores this tragic turn of Alex’s mood, and keeps on his effort to find his phone. 

“Why do you think you’re dreaming?” Alex is so gentle with him, Michael has to force himself to not cry. He struggles to respond, trying to encompass the knowledge of the sheer _wrongness_ of the situation in a way Alex will comprehend. 

“You are awake, darling,” Alex assures him, with a gentle loveliness that Michael has never ever heard from him before. 

Michael hears Alex approach, reassured by the slight unevenness of his gait confirming that Alex’s prosthesis is still on. He comes up behind Michael, as if that will somehow stop Michael from freezing in surprise when Alex circles his arms around his waist, and drops his chin on Michael’s shoulder. 

“What has you so spooked, babe?” Alex asks as if Michael’s heart isn’t still thumping like it will beat right out of his chest. As if this entire scene isn’t calling Michael’s sanity into question with each passing second. 

“If I’m not dreaming, which I’m still not sure about, then this is something else.” 

Michael may not have a single fucking clue what’s going on here, but if there is one thing he can be sure about, it’s that this isn’t right, that he doesn’t belong here. 

Alex will no longer ever look at him like he is right now, like Michael is someone precious, someone cherished. Michael knows he’s lost that hope forever. 

**Alex (here)**

The pounding at his door tears Alex’s attention away from the piles of data in front of him, and old habits have him immediately reaching for a gun. 

Every since Caulfield, and the horrifying realization of his father’s expansive cruelty to an entire people, Alex has turned up his hyper vigilance to paranoid levels. Kyle’s brief encounter with Jesse Manes confirmed that Alex is the last soldier left in this fight against his dad. Even though Jesse now rests uncomfortably in a medically induced coma far away in a hospice in Albuquerque, Alex knows now what he is fighting. The enemy out there may his dna, and his last name, but Alex realizes who his family is now, and he will die protecting them. 

Even if this new family shattered any hope of a happy future he could have had. 

Still his priority is their safety, and collecting and analyzing any and all data he and Kyle got their hands on. Alex frequently wonders what life would have been like if Kyle hadn’t shown at his cabin that day, the tattered fragments of their brotherhood held in his hands. 

Keeping the fragments of his own shattered heart safely in a box locked up in a vault was the only way to move forward. Flint was still out there, and Alex now realized Hunter and Harlan were very likely also read into his father’s insane torture mission. 

The knocking keeps going, and with that ever present danger in mind, Alex flicks off the safety of his gun and slowly inches towards the main door making sure to not make a lot of sound. 

As he’s reaching the door, however, the obnoxious knocking is compounded with shouting, and he recognizes the voice instantly.

“Open the door darlin, and I can keep my promise to you!”

_Guerin._

Alex shakes himself out of the sudden paralysis, and tries to keep his voice steady talking through the closed door, “what the hell are you doing here, Guerin?”

“ Uh I can’t find my key to the cabin,” Michael laughs, “come on darlin, I’m tired and hungry, open the door.”

Alex opens the door before he can even process the request.

Michael does indeed look dusty and tired, but he smiles wanly, “thank you kindly,” and leans in towards Alex. Alex’s body is so conditioned to respond to Michael’s that their lips almost touch before he takes a jerky step back. 

“What the hell Guerin?” he demands, “how drunk _are_ you?”

Michael just stares at him, looking baffled and offended. “I’m not drunk at all Alex.” His gaze narrows, becoming more calculating. “What about you?”

“I’m not _drunk_ I was working!” Alex sputters indigently, waving his hand, which happens to still be holding his gun, for emphasis. 

Michael is eyeing Alex with growing concern, as if Alex is the one acting weird. 

“Alright there sweetheart, how bout we continue this discussion after you put away the gun?”

Alex concedes that is probably a good idea, even though he literally was about to kiss Michael in the doorway of his home. As if Michael was his to kiss. 

He sighs, walking away from Michael and placing the gun back on his desk. He takes a deep breath to fortify himself but keeps his eyes on the floor instead of at Michael.

“What are you doing here Guerin?”

“What the hell is up with this Guerin business? And I live here,” Michael’s reply borders on cranky.

“You don’t live here.”

Michael walks over to the desk and sort of thumps down into the other chair. For a second, Alex thinks Michael is going to put his arms around his shoulder. Instead he leaves his hands in his lap and starts craning his neck to look at the cabin in every direction. 

“If this is our cabin in Roswell, which you are holding on to as a summer home for us, even though we never actually come up here in the summers then yes. Yes I do.”

“This is _my_ cabin,” Alex corrects him with a snap. Nothing Michael is saying makes any sense whatsoever. 

Michael makes a soft noise of protest. “I don’t know sweetheart, looks an awful lot like _our_ cabin. Same open concept, with neutral colors that you insisted on even though Isobel was pushing for more pastels. Same standards of exact cleanliness you go crazy about, except for the mountains of research that you keep organized in a way I can never figure out but you seem to know with your eyes closed. I can’t tell from here, but I bet the bathroom has been retrofitted to help your mobility but has Disney type of aqua and white tile work that Isobel got for you and you secretly love. It has the insane smart shower system that is the one thing you love. The first bedroom is barely furnished because it is mostly a crash pad for whichever one of our friends is too drunk to go home, but the additional room we had added to the cabin is our master bedroom with 1200 thread count egyptian cotton sheets and satiny duvets and that really ornate nightstand that is actually a stash for all the toys.”

Alex’s jaw hangs open the longer Michael talks, just sprouting out things that no one in his life knows about, secret things Alex has never had the opportunity to share with anyone. Michael talks as if he’s been a part of these things, as if he has the right to know them. 

“But I’m a little confused about what we’re doing back in Roswell. Do you know I can’t remember the flight here? I woke up in the back of an old truck by the Deluca bar. That hasn’t happened in a very long time. And I thought - didn’t we say we weren’t coming back to Roswell until the holidays?” 

Alex watches in a daze as Michael suddenly yawns, huge and tired. He stretches his body and removes his hat, and the utter normality of the gesture crashes Alex back down to earth. 

Michael doesn’t belong here. Alex burned that future in the explosion that burned down Caulfield. 

So he resorts to frantic yelling, “what the _hell_ is wrong with you Guerin? You’re not drunk then are you high?! Are you _so_ bored with your life that you’d barge into _my_ house and start making up crazy stories?” 

Michael looks up at him with a deep frown, “are you sure you’re ok, darlin’?”

If Alex has to hear one more loving _darlin’_ from Michael, he’ll lose his mind. 

“I’m _fine,_ ” he grits out instead. 

Michael shrugs and nods distractedly, even though he doesn’t look all that convinced. He moves towards the desk and the piles of Caulfield data strewn around it. He runs his fingers over the folders and strewn papers, and Alex feels an irrational urge to knock his hands off. 

“What the hell are you doing with all this old Caulfield data?” Michael asks, picking up a folder at random. Alex takes a deep breath, trying to control the reflexive need to grab the folder out of Michael’s hands. He tries to push down the hurt and the heartbreak and the reverberating words about _space_ and _crash landings_ and _Maria_ so he can focus on whatever is going on with Michael right now. Michael can look at the Caulfield data if he wants, maybe that will help break whatever drunken hallucination he’s experiencing and bring him back to reality and stop him from trying to break into Arthur’s home. 

“It isn’t old data, this is the data for other potential sites,” he blurts out when Michael doesn’t stop touching the researching and looking at it as if it’s a relic of a forgotten past. 

Michael abruptly puts down the papers and turns to look with an expression Alex can’t seem to fully decipher, but has a thick coating of concern in a way that makes Alex squirm uneasily. 

“Yes,” he says slowly, as if _Alex_ is the one being slow right now, “we know, we found the two other locations and saved the pods. Remember? What is going on darlin, why are we in Roswell when you and I both have jobs back in San Diego? What are you _doing_ Alex?”

“What? - Guerin, this is _my_ cabin, that is _my_ research. You don’t live here, and you and I definitely _do not_ live in San Diego! I don’t know what _you’re_ doing here when you should be with Maria.”

Michael suddenly laughs. Head thrown back, throat exposed, fully belly laugh. “What on earth would I be doing with _Maria Deluca_ darlin’?” 

Alex grits his teeth so hard he thinks he’ll lose a couple. “Why the _fuck_ do you keep calling me darling?” It’s kind of miniscule on the scale of weird shit Michael is spouting tonight but Alex can’t handle the drawl of that throaty voice over the words aimed at him. 

The laughter suddenly vanishes from Michael’s face. That odd look of concern is back on. 

“But why wouldn’t I call you that? You are my one and only _darling_ . Don’t you remember? Don’t you remember holding my hand tight in the middle of downtown and me promising that no one else will ever be my darling in this life, other than you. You promising me that darling is the one constant in our lives, we will never need boring declarations like _I love you_ or _I need you_ as long as we are each other’s _darlings_. Standing in front of all our families and friends and promising to be my darling now and forever, in sickness and in health, til death do us part? 

Don’t you remember that, my darlin’ Alex?”

Alex feels like his skin is on fire. “I am _not_ your Alex.” 

Michael looks at him so intensely Alex thinks he’s going to disagree, but then his face changes, goes darker and troubled. He stares at Alex as if looking into his soul. 

“No. No I don’t think you are.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Michael (there)**

The puppy’s name is Milo, and he is apparently an anniversary gift to each other. Michael can’t stop staring at the tiny bellied pup following him all around the house. Alex has gone suddenly quiet, hyper-focusing on making breakfast and coffee in a way that even Michael can understand is Alex trying to come to terms with what can only be described as a mental breakdown. Alex takes the puppy for a walk and tells Michael to help himself to breakfast, without ever making eye contact. After he leaves, Michael feels compelled to understand the depth of this insane hallucination. He doesn’t question his mind’s need to create a hallucination of a perfect fucking married life with Alex Manes, but he’s not sure what triggered it after months of heartbreak and silence between them. 

Michael can’t help but run his fingers on the furniture, can’t help but stare at this impossible world his mind has conjured. The house is open and well lit, bright and welcoming the way Isobel always told him they should plan his house. Early morning sunlight filters in softly, welcoming him back home even though he’s a complete stranger in this world. It is clear to Michael that whoever designed this home knew all about his architectural preferences. The interior design has Isobel’s stamp all over it but with such a strong inclusion of Michael’s tastes that he guesses in this hallucination Isobel actually worked with him to design this house instead of taking over and just changing things around like she is wont to do. 

Alex comes back to the house after half an hour with a determined look in his eyes and Michael sees him take a deep breath before he puts on his _Air Force Captain_ persona, set on finding a solution to problems. 

“Michael, can you tell me why you think you’re dreaming? What specifically is making you feel like this isn’t reality?”

Michael wants to scream _You! This house! Everything!_ But he can see the tick in Alex’s jaw and the clench of his fist turning his knuckles white, and tells himself this is just his brain trying to make sense of things. 

Despite his explanations of this life being wrong, things being too _perfect_ , Alex remains adamant, and continues to insist that Michael needs to accept that he is awake and this is real life. 

They argue back and forth about it for hours, and the more Alex talks the more Michael notices how _different_ this Alex is. 

Alex doesn’t shout. He doesn’t yell. He doesn’t try to throw any grand truths about his life and his love for Michael in moments of deep desperation and crisis. 

This Alex paces. He mutters to himself. He wrings his hands when he thinks Michael can’t see. 

In between these sudden bouts of personality change, Alex cajoles Michael, soothes him as if he’s talking him off a ledge, as if Michael is a frightened animal. Michael can’t help but wonder why his brain has decided to sandpaper all of Alex’s sharp edges, replacing his ruthless competence with a loving devotion he knows Alex will never have for him now. Michael had made sure of that. 

This Alex hallucination also won’t stop _touching_ Michael - hands on his neck, his face, holding him by the shoulders, placing Michael’s hands around his face, chanting “this is real, I’m real” over and over again. 

It’s late in the afternoon when Alex let’s up the argument, even a little. Michael’s loud grumbling stomach immediately puts a pause on his tirade, and he rushes to put together lunch as if it’ll help convince Michael of reality just by watching him create some pasta dish. He looks hopefully at Michael after they have both polished off their plates. 

“Do you think you can let Milo out in the backyard?” 

Michael can’t help but look down at the puppy sitting at their feet, trying his best to beg for people food. If this is his brain’s way to convince him to get his own dog, Michael is ready for the challenge of resistance.

“Sure, let’s go.”

He sees Alex almost jump out of the chair. “I have to clean the dishes, do you think you can do this alone?” he asks as if Michael is a small child, unable to complete small basic functions. Michael tries to ignore his growing irritation. 

“Come on Milo buddy, let’s see if you and I can manage this one _small_ thing,” from the tone of his voice Michael knows he did not do a well-enough job to hide his annoyance from Alex. For a moment a look of utter exhaustion lines Alex’s face, before he visibly smooths out the hurt, picks up the plates and walks over to the sink quietly. Michael tries not to feel guilty at being an asshole to a figment of his own imagination, and fails. 

Michael never thought his own mind could be cruel to him, but watching the little puppy Milo frolic around the backyard chasing butterflies is enough to make him want to scream. He stares at the fenced in yard with the carefully manicured garden areas and a firepit, and Milo running around in circles, and feels the years of longing for _this_ \- a home and a family, and a place to _belong_ all ending right here with Alex. 

Michael wastes some time coaxing an extremely tired Milo back inside and to his little puppy bed. He dawdles and lists, out of the periphery of the kitchen, not knowing if he is ready to face his hallucination of Alex again. When he hears a noise from the living room, he follows it instead, and finds Alex crumpled on a chair with his eyes closed. A deep sorrow fills his handsome face and Michael’s heart breaks all over again. 

Michael finds himself unable to stand this Alex, full of despair and resignation and hurt. He can’t stand doing this to Alex - even if this Alex isn’t real, even if he is a figment of Michael’s tortured mind, even if he is a complete stranger. So he pads over to the chair and kneels at Alex’s feet, fingers skimming his jaw, just once, to make Alex look at him. 

Alex opens his eyes and smiles at Michael - eyes full of weariness and grief. Michael thinks he finally understands why out in the real world Alex is a man of few words and a tightly controlled face. Without that wall, the intentional effort to keep all emotions away from his face, Alex is utterly devastating. 

**Alex (here)**

The first thing Alex does is to call for backup. He feels brittle to the bones, seeing this version of Michael - open and bright and loving in a way Alex has only allowed himself to dream about in the darkest of nights is like being flayed alive. After the emotional rollercoaster of the last few months, and the torment having to physically stay away from Michael, Alex doesn’t know how to cope with all of Michael’s attention on him. So he calls the only person he can trust right now. It doesn’t even take three full rings before the call is picked up.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Michael Guerin just showed up at my cabin claiming that he and I live together in San Diego and this is our summer home.”

Silence is the only response for three whole seconds.

“I’m on my way.”

Alex sighs and ends the call, closing his eyes in relief. Michael is dozing on the couch, face open like Alex has never seen in the few times they managed to sleep together. He doesn’t want to look away in case this is all an elaborate dream and Michael will vanish if Alex steps away. If this is a dream and Alex is actually passed out on the desk while reading Caulfield reports, he will need to have a serious conversation with his brain. 

Barely fifteen minutes later the familiar sounds of an SUV get closer, and he hears knocking on the door before he can make his way over. Alex sees Michael startle awake in his peripheral vision, but ignores that to let their visitor in. 

“How is he? Does he look injured?” 

“ _Kyle Valenti?_ How are you brother!” Michael’s voice cuts in before Alex can even formulate a response, and he sees Michael rush in and envelope Kyle in a big bear hug. Alex is glad he is standing by the door because it gives him the opportunity to witness the myriad of responses that flit through Kyle’s face before settling on a polite grin. 

“Hey man, how’re you doing? You feeling ok?” Kyle’s voice stays pleasant but Alex can see the way he turns so he is addressing both Alex and Michael. 

“I feel fine, just a little tired and a lot hungry. But I think the space time continuum is fucking with me.” Alex doesn’t understand why Michael’s open and honest response to Kyle sets his teeth on edge, but he refuses to show it. 

Interestingly, Michael’s response also causes an unexpected reaction in Kyle. Instead of the bewilderment and confusion Alex was hoping Kyle would share with him, he looks...guilty?

“Right. Um...I think I need you and Alex to come with me to Liz’s lab.” Kyle talks and moves at the same time, turning right back around to leave the cabin. Alex sees Michael hurrying to comply. He sighs and follows, bracing himself for whatever mess the team of science pros have landed into. 

“A mirror universe?” Isobel sounds partly disbelieving and partly fearful. Surrounded by Rosa, Liz, and Kyle, Isobel cuts an imposing figure even in her simple jeans and sweatshirt look. 

Alex doesn’t blame her confusion though. He knows he himself had already settled on _fear_ , even back in Kyle’s SUV. Whoever rode in the car with him, whoever is standing here in Liz’s lab, is not the Michael Guerin Alex knows. 

“It’s the only thing I can think that makes even a lick of sense,” this other Michael says. There’s a loud scoff from Isobel, and Alex wants to do the same. But after months of knowing about massive government conspiracies, UFO crashes, and honest to damn _aliens,_ Alex figures a Star Trek trope coming to life isn’t that far out of the question in Roswell fucking New Mexico. 

Michael does acknowledge Isobel’s disbelief with a quick wince and a graceful wave of his hand. “I’m not saying it’s the _most_ sensible explanation, but it is one explanation. Something is wrong here. I’m not asleep, and Kyle gave me a checkup right here in front of all of you, so it isn’t a head wound or concussion. I remember who I am and I know who you all are. But all of you seem _wrong_ , but you all feel wrong the same way, so logic dictates that I’m the one who doesn’t belong here.”

Liz starts to get that look on her face, that mix of fascination and dread Alex remembered even as far back as high school. She suddenly pipes up from behind the counter - “Are you actually saying that you think you come from an alternate universe and you can tell that because we’re all _different_ , somehow?”

Michael nods, “yes. Like in my world, you and Max have been married for 5 years now and have two very precocious little ones. Who both of course love and adore me completely and drive Max up a...where’s Max?”

Alex feels the air go out from the room. No one makes eye contact with or responds to Michael for a whole minute. 

Isobel, forever bravest amongst them, is the one who speaks. 

“Max died resurrecting Rosa after finding her decade old corpse. You and I have been working on a way to bring him back, are you telling me you don’t you remember this at all?”

For as long as he lives, Alex will never forget the look of deep _grief_ that passes over Michael’s face. Michael closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, before opening them again and staring at everyone in the room. 

“In my world, Rosa never died.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you for all the love this little fic has received from all of you! The comments and kudos keep me going :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'll reply to all the AMAZING comments and love I've received on this fic. You are all the reason I'm able to keep writing <3

* * *

******Alex (here)**

“Wait!” Isobel holds up a hand before Liz can continue with her questions, “I need someone to give me evidence of this supposed mirror universe before we start talking about our alternate lives or whatever.” Liz visibly deflates before continuing her intense staring at Michael that didn’t even try to hide how she was holding back more questions. Alex isn’t quite sure when Isobel stepped into the role of Commander of this ragtag troop, but he needs to take back the voice of reason role here sooner than later. Isobel meanwhile, keeps going. 

“Ok but we are all here, even you Michael. If this isn’t really your world, if we aren’t the people you know, then why are you here in this world? How did you even _get_ here?” 

Alex doesn’t say that he also tried to ask Michael the same question the entire car ride over here, but all Michael would do is shrug and say “I don’t know.” Alex has to stop himself from physically shaking Michael to see if he can shake this frustrating hallucination off of him. Settle him back into the familiar shape of the man he knows and loves. 

A throat clearing from Liz brings him back and all faces turn to her as she says softly, “I actually may have an idea,” while looking only at Kyle. 

Over the next half hour, Liz and Kyle explain how they have been working on a serum to help sustain Michael and Isobel’s new powers and given them a big boost to help revive Max. To help them deepen their connection to their subconscious, to create a bridge through all their psyches and to open a doorway across planes of consciousness. 

“The original hypothesis was a collective network of Antarian consciousness to boost powers when someone needed,” Liz explains, “Shifting the limits of the understanding of _reality_ so multiple consciousnesses could be accepted as part of normality. It was just a theory, a very long shot, Kyle and I didn’t think we were going to get anywhere.” She looks around almost sheepishly, “It was almost entirely theoretical, we didn’t think it was going to work yet - just a few minor changes to the current power boosting serum so it shouldn’t have been dangerous to run a test -”

“So you tested it on _Michael_?” Alex demands, voice furious, brittle. He feels almost recentered, able to find a source for his confusion, and anger. He has hated how he has felt off-centered most of this day, feeling helpless and scared. 

Liz nods, sharing in Alex’s misery, “he volunteered, Alex.” 

Alex couldn’t help the bitter laugh that escapes, “ _of course_ he did.” Michael was always going to be a self-sacrificing idiot. 

“But I swear it shouldn’t have happened! The dose was too small, and this is not as fast acting as the power boosting serum anyways, so the idea that the compounds combined to affect Michael’s powers in a way to actually alter the perception of reality and his place in the universe to the point where his mind could cross into another _dimension_ is not something that has ever been heard of! Even the secret government files don’t have any mention of it.” 

Liz looks almost shocked and appalled but beneath her words Alex can hear the spark of scientific curiosity flaring up. Even after the shock and trauma of Rosa’s death, and her resurrection, and Max’s death, Liz’s heart truly belongs to science and all things scientific. Liz Ortecho is a beacon of discovery and curiosity and Alex finds his anger fading. His anger has no place here, this could _not_ have been predicted, and knowing Michael, all possibilities would have been predicted. 

Michael Guerin cannot stop taking on risks to protect his family, and if he ever did, he wouldn’t be the man Alex fell in love with. Alex cannot begrudge Liz and Michael wanting to find a way to bring Max back, after all he would have done the same thing were he in their position. 

**Michael (there)**

At around seven, Alex bursts into the bedroom where Michael has been hiding for over an hour, and yells that they’re late. 

Michael looks at him alarmed, “late for what?”

Alex is already pulling out a shirt and jeans from the closet. “It’s Saturday, we always have dinner with both your siblings and their families on Saturday. It’s your guaranteed time with the kids.”

If someone is punishing Michael for all his mistakes by putting him through some elaborate hallucination with small humans, Michael is going to find them and punch the crap outta them. Maybe that’ll help get them over whatever the hell their issue is with Michael. 

“You want me to go with you to a dinner party with _kids_ ? Does that even _sound_ like a good idea to you? And I don’t even mean right now with whatever mindfuckery is going on, Alex. Children around me is generally a _terrible_ idea.” 

“Babe, you’re amazing with kids,” Alex tries to correct him gently, quickly cupping his jaw, eyes willing Michael to remember. As if _that’s_ the problem here. “Plus Lily and Jaime _love_ you, you’re their favorite. I’m holding out hope with Emma, but she’s pretty much picked you too.” 

Michael shakes his head, bewildered. “I don’t even know who these children are! Why would I care about them?” 

Alex pauses in his rushing and looks at Michael. “Lily and Jaime are Max and Liz’s children. Emma is Isobel and Noah’s daughter.” 

_What?_

“What? There are no kids in Max and Isobel’s lives! How is that possible? Not after all the death and destruction and Max and Noah dy-” Michael can’t stop the panic rising after hearing Noah’s name. Noah _can’t_ be here, he can’t be the reason for this hallucination. Michael watched him die. Noah is dead. He _cannot be alive_. 

His shortening breath and darkening vision are suddenly interrupted by Alex’s hands on his face and his voice in Michael’s ears. “Breathe with me, darling. That’s right, breath nice and slow with me.” 

Michael comes back to himself painfully slowly, but keeps his eyes on Alex even after his breathing calms down and vision rights itself. His hands find themselves on Alex’s face, fingers finding purchase in familiar divots and grooves, skin that is a soothing balm to his soul. 

Alex’s voice is gentle but his eyes are concerned. “Who died, Michael?”

“Max killed Noah, he was the fourth alien. And then Max died bringing back Rosa and -” Michael is babbling and he can feel his calm spiraling again. This dream or hallucination or whatever could be Noah’s design and Michael just fell for it like an idiot. 

“A fourth alien?” Alex’s face goes serious and confused all over. 

Michael can’t keep up with the constant shift in Alex’s moods, it is such a jarring difference from what he knows of Alex out in the real world. This Alex is way too complex, too emotionally transient to be just a figment of Michael’s imagination. 

No matter how many times he points out the strangeness of this world, no matter how hard and long he focuses on all the details that are wrong, nothing is shaking, there is no crack or flaw to find. If Michael is really unconscious or hallucinating, he’d know by now. This is something else, something he can’t just wake up from. And Michael’s confusion is rapidly being replaced by fear. 

“Noah is not an alien, babe. And he and Max are both alive, we’re going to Max’s house you can see them,” Alex’s voice is shaking, almost excited, as if he has grasped on this one gap in Michael’s frame of reality and once Michael sees Max and Noah at the dinner party, he’ll finally come to his senses. 

Michael does not want to ruin Alex’s enthusiasm and optimism though, so he lets Alex dress him up and shove him and Milo in a lovely Audi Q5, a kind of luxury Michael is surprised Alex is indulging in. 

**Alex (here)**

Liz and Kyle spend the rest of the day poking and prodding Michael while Alex spends the time looking over Caulfield experimental data to see if anything in it can help them. He looks and relooks at all the medical data in the files, decades of horrifying experimentation that makes Dr. Mengele look benevolent. He forces himself to keep going, keep reading because if he doesn’t the helplessness threatens to overwhelm him. 

Isobel and Rosa both successfully convince him to take a couple breaks so he remembers to feed himself. Isobel tries to help him with some of the research but he refuses to add to her trauma by showing her evidence of the prolonged torture suffered by her people at the hands of the government and his family. Rosa, however, ends up being a big help after she marches up to him and demands he let her help. Now with two sets of eyes instead of one, the research goes faster but the emotional trauma still doesn’t go away. 

Alex tries his best to focus on the Caulfield data, helping Rosa now and then. He tries his best to stay out of Michael’s way, making sure not to look where Michael is chatting up both Liz and Kyle. This doppelganger, an _imposter_ whose loud voice and sporadic giggling makes Alex’s chest feel tight with anger, makes his skin crawl with bitterness. 

He never thought about what it would be like to live in a world without the Michael Guerin he knows in it. Alex never thought how much he would miss Michael the way he knows him, scars and all. 

**Michael (there)**

The house Michael knew as Max’s seems to have vanished. In its place is the comfiest, brightest house Michael has seen, and if he ever stopped long enough to dream of a house that would belong to Max and Liz, this is exactly what he would have come up with. The architect of the redesign clearly infused all of Max’s love into it, and the interior decoration has Liz’s bold color preferences combined with her minimalist style. Even the two tiny children fit in well into this house, _a home_ Michael thinks, adding to the warmth and love abundant in the building. 

Seeing a laughing, loving Max is like a gunshot to the heart. When he hugs Michael with open arms and thumps his back with enthusiasm, Michael feels his eyes watering and tries to stop the tears from falling. His brother is back, he’s _here_ and alive and full of joy. Michael can’t seem to stop smiling and touching Max, he no longer cares whether this is a dream or a nightmare, having Max here is the best thing this world has given back to Michael. 

Liz is her lovely smiling self, her perfume surrounding him when she hugs Michael and kisses his cheek. But here she looks lighter, without the weight of a decade long murder dampening down her soul. She brings her son over on her hip, and the child immediately opens his arms towards Michael, something that makes Michael turn pale for half a second before taking him and letting him hug his neck tight. Alex’s adoring gaze is a heavy thing on him, watching Michael get showered by the tiny Evans-Ortecho progeny. 

Max greets Alex like a brother, hugging him like he did Michael and the deepest parts of Michael’s heart feel like floating at this open show of love between his brother and his soulmate. Alex and Liz greet each other like siblings too, and Michael can’t help but be impressed at how quickly Liz goes from smiling to serious as she stares at Alex’s face.

“What is it Alex?”

Alex jerks his head towards the end of the hallway, far enough away from the kitchen so they can’t be overheard. Max’s face immediately turns serious as well, and he puts a hand on Liz’s back to guide her towards Alex’s nod while Michael finally puts down the toddler (who immediately toddles away towards the backyard). He sees Alex moving to do something similar as Max, and immediately ducks his head to follow the trio towards the hallway. 

The area turns out to be something like an office space, very clearly Max’s, with its plethora of classical literature volumes lining the shelves. Michael marvels at how well he knows his own brother, whether out in the real world or in some fucked up dream world, some things he knows stay constant for Max. Like his love for Dostoevsky. 

“Something is wrong with Michael,” Alex semi-whispers urgently, staring at Liz like she would already have the answer ready at the tip of her tongue. 

Michael hasn’t seen Alex look at someone with that much openness and trust at all. _Ever._

“Michael?” Max prompts with a raised eyebrow. 

“This isn’t my world, Max. I don’t do Saturday family dinners with you and Liz, and I definitely don’t live in married domestic bliss with Alex and a _puppy_. This isn’t me, and this is not you. I don’t belong here.” Michael hopes to whatever powers are out there in the universe that he also won’t have to share how he hasn’t been able to stand face to face with a living breathing Max for months now. 

Max looks at Alex sharply, moving away from the bookshelf he was leaning against. “Has he been collecting artifacts again? Did you two start your Antar tech research again, because I told you -”

Alex shakes his head hard. “No, it isn’t like that. We haven’t done that in years. We have been very careful.”

“Is that Michael Guerin I hear? Get in here bro! I missed you” 

That voice turns Michael to stone and he feels his breathing go shallow. Noah Bracken is out there in Max’s kitchen, out there with Max’s kids. 

_Fuck._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm truly sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Summers are the opposite of free for me :( As always kudos and comments are my life-blood <3

* * *

**Michael (there)**

“Fuck. Ok everyone get behind me,” Michael whispers urgently and starts creeping towards the kitchen. He needs to get Max, Liz, and Alex out of here. He needs to get to the children. He won’t let Noah hurt anyone in his family anymore. He will  _ not. _

All three people start to say something to him, but Michael shushes them all, ignoring the more and more frantic versions of  _ Michael!  _ And  _ what the hell are you doing?  _

He sees both Noah and Isobel in the kitchen opening up food containers and checking the contents. Michael almost stumbles in this forward momentum, the sight of his sister and her husband looking like two people in love now and forever, knocking him off kilter for a second before he remembers what lay beneath the supposed true love Noah has for Isobel. 

He sends out a thanks to whatever deity is looking out for them because the children have taken Milo and run off to the beach behind the house. He can hear them running around in the sand, Milo’s tiny yips and barks surrounding their joyful laughter. This is good, Michael thinks, they are far away and safe right now. He can be quick and deadly if he needs to. 

He knows his companions are right behind him so he needs to move fast. He rounds the corner loudly, making both Isobel and Noah startle and turn in surprise. Their face split open with happiness just Michael raises his hand throws Noah clear into the living room wall, where he immediately hits the wall and goes down. 

“ _ MICHAEL! _ ” Isobel and Liz both scream and run after Noah. 

“Stay away from him Izzy! He’s dangerous!” Michael screams and tries to rush after the women, only to be caught by both Alex and Max. 

“What the  _ HELL  _ are you doing Michael? Are you trying to kill Noah?” Max is apoplectic while Alex is looking at Michael like he’s grown two more heads. 

“Let me go Max! Let me go, Noah is the psycho killer! He’s the fourth alien who possessed Izzy and killed Rosa! I’m going to kill him!”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now Michael?” Isobel’s shriek makes him freeze for a second, stopping his struggles as she rounds up on him. 

“Noah is  _ not  _ an alien, what is  _ wrong  _ with you? No one possessed me and Rosa  _ definitely  _ never died! What is going on with you?” Isobel’s hysterical screaming is more confusing than enraging to Michael. What does she mean Rosa never died? 

“Isobel, listen to me, that man is -”

“If you say dangerous one more time, Michael I will clock you myself. Noah is as human as they come, Mara did the psychic check herself, don’t you remember this? You insisted on it when we started dating” Isobel sounds like her irritated self, but her words turn Michael’s insides to jello. 

“Mara? You mean...my mother? She’s alive?” His fear and anger are rapidly shifting into surprise and confusion. 

Isobel huffs in irritation and turns back, “someone tell me what’s going on with Michael. I’m going to go heal my husband.” She proclaims and walks back to Noah, heels clicking on the hardwood floor. 

Max and Liz are looking at Michael as if he’s a rabid animal, ready to attack at any given moment. Alex still looks hysterical and he and Max frog march Michael to the living room and push him down on a couch, one angry glare and one wildly fearful one aimed at him. 

“Start talking,” Max orders, like all those nights in the drunk tank ago when life was easy and Michael wasn’t stuck in some greek tragedy of a nightmare inside his own brain. 

“Look you are all in danger, Max. Noah is not who he says he is! He’s crazy psycho killer alien who has been possessing Iz since high school. Do you remember her blackouts? He’s the reason! You need to get her away from him,  _ please _ . Alex, Max please. You need to save yourselves.” Michael is bordering on hysterics himself but he doesn’t know how to communicate the sheer danger everyone is in right now. Why won’t anyone  _ listen  _ to him? 

“Michael,” Isobel speaks from the living room door, “Noah is not an alien. All the Antarian elders checked.  _ You  _ are the reason that my blackouts in high school were caught and fixed in like sophomore year, don’t you remember? You got me help and I have been fine since junior year. Noah is your best friend, Michael. You have spent the last eight years as friends, what happened to change that overnight?” 

The more Isobel talks, the more Michael’s bewilderment increases. This cannot possibly be a scenario cooked up by his brain. 

“I helped you in high school? What?” Michael looks around the room with deep confusion, and settles on Alex who looks like he might vibrate out of his skin with concern. He sees Alex take a deep breath and turn to look at Isobel. 

“Izzy, something is going on with Michael. I brought him here to talk to Liz and Max but I had no idea he could get violent. I am  _ so sorry _ , I didn’t know Noah was in danger from him,” he speaks with tears and Michael is astounded to see tears glistening in his eyes. 

**Alex (there)**

Alex wants to call this Michael something else, wants some other name for this person standing here in this world. He needs a linguistic wall, something separating the two Michaels.  _ His  _ Michael isn’t like this, isn’t like a man who hasn’t had to fight for every scrap of love, of attention, of belonging in this world. This Michael doesn’t walk like he carries the Atlas of grief and loss and exclusion on his shoulders, he moves with confidence, speaks with openness, and shares with generosity. This Michael occupies space like he  _ belongs _ and he sets Alex’s teeth on edge. 

Even with all these differences, every distinction Alex can feel, this man is undeniably  _ Michael _ . Alex doesn’t know who else he could possibly be called, but calling him Michael seems wrong, and calling him Guerin feels worse. 

They’re all taking a forced break for food when Michael’s phone goes off, interrupting all the murmurings and chatting in the lab. Michael looks down at the caller ID, frowns in obvious confusion and answers. 

“Maria? Is everything ok?” 

Every fiber in Alex’s body freezes like he’s been dunked in ice water. He looks down to make sure there is no risk of eye contact with anyone else in the lab. He shouldn’t be here for this conversation, he needs to leave but his legs don’t seem to want to cooperate. 

“Uh, what? No why would I…um  _ what _ ? But I’m here with...uh yeah. Ok you need to...listen, what if we just talk later? This is a very bad time...um bye.” 

With each response from Michael the mood in the lab grows more uncomfortable, and both Isobel and Liz seem to be boring holes into the side of Alex’s head. He refuses to look at them, knowing they will want him to help clear things up with Michael but Alex does not know if he can handle the emotional one-two punch of reuniting this Michael with Maria as well. 

Michael hangs up and looks around the lab as if he can will answers to appear. He looks distinctly uncomfortable, and laughs nervously as he tries to shake off whatever unease he felt during the call. 

“Kyle, man, that was the weirdest conversation I’ve ever had with Maria. Are you two in a fight or something?” Michael tries to keep his tone light but the accusation is clear to hear. Kyle looks up with sheer confusion on his face. “What? Maria and I aren’t…” 

“Ok good, then why the hell does she think I should be visiting her? We have never really been close and…” he trails off when everyone shifts away from making eye contact, and Alex feels the itch to scream at him about the truth of their relationship. 

“Because dear brother, in this world, you dumped your soulmate to go play house with Maria Deluca,” Isobel proves yet again that words can be weaponized to the point of instant lethality. 

Michael seems not only confused but also irritated. “What the fuck Isobel? Is everything a joke to you?” 

Alex is done. He gets up from his area of the lab and walks towards the door. 

“She’s not joking, Guer- Isobel is right, you and I have not been a couple in this world and you are in a relationship with Maria.” He doesn’t let himself look at Michael and see his own anguish reflected in his eyes. Or worse, pity. 

He moves past Michael quickly and only turns around to look at Rosa. “I’m going to go for a walk, give my leg a little break from all the sitting. See you in a few.” 

Alex is a soldier, he knows the value of a strategic retreat. So he takes one. 

**Michael (there)**

“Ok but do you see what I mean? Something is wrong here! He seems to have no memory of our lives, your lives, our relationships. I know he hasn’t been off secretly working on Antar tech, because we promised each other we wouldn’t do that after - we just wouldn’t” Michael was amazed to see Alex nearing hysterics again. 

Liz stands next to Alex, circling his waist with one arm, “It’s ok Alex, we’ll figure this out, we’ll help him. If some Antar tech did hurt him, if he is under some hallucination - we will bring back his memory. We will help him remember what we all know about our lives, and that Michael is here with us in the real world, and he is ours.” 

Michael dazedly wonders if they’ll have a better chance of convincing him if they all stopped talking like he wasn’t in the room. 

Liz stays wrapped around Alex while Max takes a seat next to Michael, putting one of his big hands on Michael’s knee. 

“You aren’t dreaming, bud. This is real life, and your family is right here. Please don’t try to hurt Noah again, I don’t want to use my own powers. We made a  _ promise _ .” 

“Ok I won’t hurt him if you can prove he’s not dangerous, and doesn’t have Iz under his control.”

A groan and a shuffle cut off whatever response was on Max’s lips, and everyone looked up to see Isobel supporting a slightly dazed Noah into the room. Michael immediately tensed but Max’s hand on his knee kept him from reacting. 

“Bro, I know I owe you twenty bucks from last week, but you don’t have to pummel me for it,” Noah’s voice was weak and shaky, but Michael still couldn’t help the flinch that ran through his entire body. Group glares from everyone in the room makes Michael grit his teeth but he refuses to answer. 

Alex is the one to respond instead, a soft sigh escaping his lips first. 

“Michael had a bad night, No. His powers are a little on the fritz and we’re hoping to get him some rest today. I’m sorry he didn’t mean to hurt you, you know that.”

Michael stares at Alex’s ridiculous nickname for Noah, and even more at the sigh of relief that Noah produces before slumping down on the couch next to Michael. He tries very hard not to wince when Noah thumps him on the back once in response, before closing his eyes. 

Alex grabs Michael’s hand to pull him up from the couch, and pushes him out into the kitchen, motioning for everyone to follow. 

“So what do we do now?” Liz asks looking around the group. 

“Now I think it’s time I break my promise to see what’s wrong with my dear brother,” Isobel replies. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought I forgot about this, right? I did not, but real life does not respect my need to write. This is also now my longest fic :) 
> 
> My continued gratitude to my friend, writing guardian, and overall ray of sunshine [estel_willow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estel_willow/pseuds/estel_willow) who continues to indulge all my insanity and still loves me :) 
> 
> And to the entirety of the Sanders' Auto and Junkyard for being a community of supporters and cheerleaders. You're all my favorite people <3

* * *

**Alex (here)**

The mood in the lab is considerably more somber the rest of the afternoon. Dinner ends up being a rushed affair of delivery pizza that they all have to huddle into the cafeteria to eat, and by midnight even Liz’s stubborn determination is starting to flag. 

Isobel is the one to finally call it a day for everyone, and once more Alex feels something like surprise at how easily this defacto position of authority comes to Isobel. In another life, she would have made a great army general. Isobel ushers them out one at a time, starting with Liz, reminding them that they all need to sleep, that they’ll never figure something this complex out in a day, or even a few days, and that running on caffeine and adrenaline isn’t going to work forever. 

As Liz attempts to argue back with Isobel, Alex feels a pang of regret at their current situation. He wishes neither of them had to suffer through the chain of events in their lives. He half-wishes they had never met each other, or that he had stopped Liz from falling for Max. Those wishes never last long enough, never linger deep enough. He’s too grateful to her, for her stabilizing presence in Michael’s life, in _his_ life, for her brilliance and ingenuity, and her strength, to ever really be sorry she’s theirs. 

Isobel offers to drive Liz and Rosa home, something that fills Alex with security, knowing they will all be safe together. 

Kyle isn’t ready to leave quite yet, though, so Alex crowds in close to watch him work. But apparently having both Michael and Alex hovering around isn’t really conducive to Kyle’s thinking process so he gives up after a few minutes and proclaims the end of the day for everyone. Alex sees Michael looking at him, a silent question in his eyes. 

Michael looks away after a few moments and sighs softly. “Hey Kyle, could I crash at your place tonight or maybe you could drop me off at the Motel on 380?”

“I’ll take you, Guerin. You can stay with me tonight.” Kyle doesn’t sound all that jazzed about spending alone time with Michael, but since they all drove over together, there isn’t a whole lot he can do. Alex makes no moves to offer his own company or place as an alternative. It isn’t this man’s fault that he coils Alex’s nerves so tight he feels like they could snap at any moment, but Alex’s self-preservation skills are hard learned. 

As they drive away from the lab, Alex has to laugh at his own discomfort. He spent years finding excuses to run away from Michael, to hide his feelings. And now that he has finally stopped running, finally found a way to stick his feet to the ground and crack his ribs open to show his heart to Michael, the man he wants is gone. All Alex wants right now is the Michael he knows - obnoxious, sharp-edged, aesthetically-challenged disaster - not this composed, confident Michael full of soft smiles and round edges. Alex will even take back the Michael who wouldn’t look at him, doesn’t talk to him, and who is slowly unraveling at the seams. That’s the Michael he knows, and Alex feels the loss so deep in his heart he almost reaches up to check his shirt. 

He is sure for a moment everyone would be able to see him bleeding. 

**Michael (there)**

Isobel’s stunned face is one Michael will never forget. He didn’t think he’d ever see his sister stumble so hard after trying to read his mind, his repeated warnings about his mental defences being very strong, completely ignored. 

“What the _fuck_ was that Michael?! What kind of Fort Knox type wall have you built inside of your brain?”

Michael stays leaning on the counter, pinching between his eyes to keep the throbbing in his head from turning into a full headache. 

“I told you back in high school that I wasn’t going to let you into my head without permission, Iz! I told you that was only for emergencies!”

“Michael you just _threw_ _my husband_ across the room! What makes you think this is not an emergency?” 

“That’s enough.” Alex speaks softly but that’s the end of that conversation. 

Alex shuts down after Isobel’s disastrous attempt to read Michael and the resulting heated conversation with Max and Isobel. Isobel and Alex are all about fixing things, but Max takes a more big picture stance on the situation. 

“He’s still a researcher and an alien, Alex. He is still using his skills and know-how in the field for SETI, and he is still teaching classes at UNM. Things can go wrong, even in the controlled environment of the classroom. Maybe something went wrong with the compounds or the non-Antar tech portion of the simulation. I know you don’t think it’s possible, but there are a million ways we combine human and Antar tech to boost our powers that can result in something disastrous.” 

Fuck.

Liz’s experiments.

Fucking _damnit._

They take him to one of the Antarian healers down the coast. Alex stays silent during the whole drive, none of Michael’s arguments strong enough to make a countering remark. Michael is incensed enough to miss most of the lovely San Diego oceanic scenery provided by the drive, and keeps up a steady stream of arguments about not needing any healing. 

When they get to a quaint little bungalow on the beach, Alex jumps out of the car like it’s a prison he’s been trying to escape. But he still comes around the car and opens the door for Michael as if it’s a habit he can’t get rid of. Michael just takes the hand offered to him while getting out of the car and doesn’t let go when Alex keeps it there and walks to the bungalow. 

The Antarian healer is a semi-stooped over old man with a toothy smile and an easy going demeanor. Michael stumble-stutters a greeting, never having experienced a conversation with anyone alien except Max and Isobel. The man greets Alex like family, and Michael watches as he runs two glowing hands from Alex’s head to his shoulders. 

“Well you seem fine to me child, so why the sorrow in your eyes?” the old man asks, and Michael sees Alex turn around and beckon him over. 

“Something happened to Michael, Avin. Will you please take a look?”

The man approaches Michael with the same smile and holds his glowing hands over him. A feeling like standing under a gentle cascade of warm water engulfs him, and Michael immediately feels almost all of his earlier panic and anger dissolving. This is the exact opposite of the battering ram of Isobel’s power trying to get inside Michael’s head. He feels more at peace, less worried about the state of his life and his future in this world. 

Finally, Avin removes his hands and looks at Michael and Alex. “I see nothing wrong with him physically, Alex. Why don’t you both come inside and have a seat and Michael can tell me what precisely he thinks is wrong?”

Over the next few hours Michael tries desperately to explain the wrongness of this world and how he knows he isn’t hallucinating, that he isn’t insane. This world _is_ real, just not his reality, he has accepted that much now. However it happened, whether it was Liz’s experiments or something else, whoever these people around him are, they are not figments of his imagination. Not even evil serial killer Noah’s powers were that strong, he couldn’t create a world full of people who look and act and smell real. 

Unfortunately, trying to convince someone that you’re from an alternative reality isn’t the best way to prove your sanity. 

Avin hears Michael’s tale with the same gravitas people usually reserve for Shakespeare. He watches all of Michael’s movements, and asks questions. He visibly tenses when Michael talks about Noah being an alien killer and how Max died resurrecting Rosa. He never looks at Alex, giving his entire attention to Michael and Michael almost feels like he is on solid ground. Like someone understands him, and realizes who he is and where he belongs. 

Throughout the conversation, Alex sits still like a statue, holding on to Michael’s arm like it the only thing rooting him to the Earth right now. He doesn’t smile and doesn’t speak, but touches Michael like habit, like a vine turning towards the sun. Michael soaks in all the touches, all of Alex’s attention desperate and misplaced as it is, is the most he’s had in the last few months, and he doesn’t want it to end now that he has it back. 

Avin makes them take a break for food, and prepares the most delicious sushi with the finesse of a chef. Michael can’t help but stare at the speed of his fingers pulling and pushing ingredients together, creating the rolls, and cutting pieces in a neat row. When he comments on it, Avin laughs. 

“Your mother and I have found the food culture absolutely a blessing here. After decades of only using our hands to defend ourselves from harm, it was peaceful and delightful to use them for creating something. Feeding you and your siblings good proper meals has only been a bonus.”

They end up staying until after dinner, when Avin pulls them outside onto a quaint backyard overlooking the ocean. He talks for a little bit about Antar technology being intuitive and how it can therefore be difficult to navigate if folks don’t have life long practice like Antarians tend to have. He then turns to take Alex and Michael’s hands in his, but addresses only Alex. 

“Above all my child, Michael may have easily made a mistake, failed to calibrate the tech right for research or all of the above. He wasn’t injured but his senses have been jarred, and it is up to you to keep reinforcing the sense of reality around him. Take him to familiar places, tell him stories about your life together, show him photographs, videos from your time with Max and Isobel. Surround Michael with everything that has been important to you, even the smallest things can help the mind stay grounded. If you stay persistent, work hard, and don’t lose your patience or your resolve, I believe you can help him come back to you.”

Alex nods gravely then turns to Michael with a small smile. Michael wishes he had the heart to return that smile. 

**Alex (here)**

When Kyle pulls up to the cabin, Michael jumps out to supposedly give Alex a hand, but keeps walking with him up to the door. Alex tries to keep from flinching away, to keep the feeling of wrongness away from his face when looking at Michael. As tries to unlock the cabin door, Michael stops him with light fingers on his wrist . 

“You didn’t seem very happy to see me, this morning. Even before you realized who I really was.”

He pauses there looking thoughtful, and Alex is reminded of the way Michael would look right before he would move something, all his focus honed in on a single object. 

“And it’s clear that we’re not -” he stops that thought process immediately, looking confident in his knowledge of the truth. Alex can hazard a guess since he showed up thinking they lived together in _San Diego_. 

Michael gently pulls his wrist and turns it over, as he examines Alex’s face. “Are you even friends, you and your Michael?”

Alex doesn’t even know how to start answering that question. So he pulls his wrist away and turns around to get inside. 

“Good night, Michael.”

***

The next week passes by in a blur. Every morning he’s picked up by Kyle and Michael on their way to the lab, and gets driven back every night, despite his objections and multiple reminders that he has a car and is perfectly capable of driving. 

The drives are also the only times they are in close proximity. At the lab, Alex exclusively works with Rosa and sometimes Isobel, but never goes near the science trio of Kyle, Liz, and Michael who rarely leave whatever experiments they have bubbling at the moment. Michael continues to be open and friendly and warm with everyone in the room. However, it becomes very clear to Alex that it physically pains Michael to look at him, to be near him yet so far from his own Alex. Alex can relate, and it hurts him to realize how much. 

Only once, Alex almost walks into a hushed but tense conversation between Liz and Maria outside the lab, and gets the urge to intervene. He sees Maria’s frantic worried eyes and Liz’s guilty ones and knows he no longer has a space there, no connection he can use to allay Maria’s fears, or Liz’s guilt. All he can do is turn around and walk back inside before they see him, so that’s what he does. 

**Michael (there)**

As Alex drives them back to their house - his house - Michael realizes he needs to get the hell out of here. He’ll just have to run. 

After the conversation with Avin, and an entire box full of Japanese foods packed into the backseat, Michael is keenly aware that his window of opportunity has closed. There is no way he’ll be able to convince Alex of what’s really going on now, not now that Alex is determined, with Avin’s blessing, to face every argument Michael can throw at him. Alex will see every conversation as a battle he needs to win for Michael’s sanity, and this may not be his Alex, but he is close enough that Michael knows when he’s been beaten, when the infinite stubbornness and self-sacrificial loyalty Alex has all combine to achieve a singular goal. 

He remembers the way Alex, _his_ Alex, had disappeared into himself after their fight in the Pony, the way every day was a fight to bring Max back from the dead, and keep Liz and Isobel from self-destructing, to keep them mostly sane. Michael had left them in the middle of all that, unable to find a way to bring Max back and unable to protect Isobel or Liz, and hating what all the helping was doing to Alex. He hid himself in the facade of normality with Maria, where no conversations about aliens or death or heartbreak could ever touch him. Nothing could remind him of his own failures in holding onto his family, or his soulmate. 

Maria never looked at him and called him a miserable liar, never begged him to stay and not look away. Maria will never break his heart, because he’ll never have to give it to her. Michael had just wanted to hold onto that blankness for a while, and now he can’t even have that. 

But now with this Alex, just like his own Alex, he feels that sense of helplessness creeping in. He knows this Alex will be just as stubborn, but somehow Michael knows the stakes are higher. This Alex isn’t just fighting for an on-again, off-again love. He is fighting to hold on to a partner, a husband, his only family. The loss Alex is being threatened with is so much larger, so much more devastating, that he has physically rejected it and seems to have locked the possibility of failure deep within himself. Michael can see that now nothing he says will ever change Alex’s mind. 

Michael can’t see any way of finding the help he needs here, no way to even _begin_ the process of finding his way back home when everyone around him, not just Alex, is so determined to convince him he’s already where he belongs. Michael can’t even think about not returning home, not having a chance to save his brother, not having the possibility to make his way back to his own Alex. 

And so Michael is going to run until he can find someone who does believe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos and comments give me life!
> 
> Come cry about all things malex with me on [Tumblr](https://insidious-intent.tumblr.com/)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I think I finally know what's going to happen with both couples, phew! We may be down to only 2-3 more chapters :) 
> 
> This would not be happening without [estel_willow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estel_willow/pseuds/estel_willow) who is obv is the best human out there, and the rest of the Junkyard, who have definitely wizened up to my insanity but still love me <3

* * *

**Alex (here)**

On the third day Liz proclaims success and has both Isobel and Michael stay nearby so she can test her serum on them once she’s done with the latest trial. The compounds in the serum turn out to be highly explosive however, and a small fire breaks out in the corner of the lab forty five seconds after Liz’s proclamation. 

Alex decides to walk outside to get some fresh air before he puts his fist through a wall. Ten minutes later, Michael joins him. 

“How can you stand all of this?” Alex can’t help but ask, a question he has felt bubbling under his skin for days now. 

Michael stands there carding his fingers through his curls for a couple minutes, looking out into the distance, pensive. He seems to be thinking about Alex’s words however, so Alex tries to be patient and remains silent. He seems to be losing his patience faster these days. 

“You mean being here with all of you, right?” Michael waits for Alex’s nod of agreement before continuing. “I stand it because I have no other choice. If I don’t keep a handle on myself, how will I keep a handle on my actual reality? If I started ranting and raving like a crazy person, everyone will think I am one and that won’t help me at all. And I need all of you - Liz, Kyle, Isobel, all of you to help me get home.”

Alex stays silent, considering Michael’s words. He may not _like_ this Michael, but he can’t help but be impressed with his strength of resolve. He hasn’t seen this Michael be anything but friendly, and generous, never once did he despair about the injustice of his situation, never raging against himself or others at letting this happen. 

Alex feels a deep urge to keep Michael here with him, to keep him talking. He blurts out the first question that comes to mind. 

“What is home like?” he asks and watches Michael’s face register a moment of complete surprise. But then Michael smiles, and with that smile his entire body goes through a transformation - his shoulders relax, his eyes light up and suddenly it’s like Alex is looking at a completely different person. He feels a little guilty at not noticing the weight Michael must have been carrying around, alone in a universe where everything and everyone is so familiar, yet a complete stranger. Before he can so much as think of apologizing, Michael starts speaking.

“It’s very different from here, I’m sure you guessed by now. We don’t even live in Roswell anymore, we only keep Jim Valenti’s cabin as our summer home. _Home_ has been San Diego since you got back after your last tour. And our days of searching for survivors of Project Shepherd are long over, we were able to rescue almost everyone who was still alive. Did you really explode Caulfield?”

Alex sighs a sigh of deep sorrow, and says, “yes, we all tried, especially you, to get your mother out but the self-destruct sequence set off.”

This time when Michael smiles, it’s tinged with a feeling of relief. “Oh yeah I did that in my world too. Thankfully you were able to diffuse it while Isobel kept a handle on me so we could get everyone out.” Alex’s heart pounds at the realization that Michael was able to get his mother back in another universe, but only nods to indicate his attention. 

“In my world, you are a consultant at Lockheed by day, and cyber security instructor at UCSD by night. Which is probably not a great consolation to you since the US government still signs your paychecks. I am a professor of astrophysics at Caltech’s Palomar Observatory and do research for SETI outside of work. It’s a really ni-”

“Hold on, excuse me, _wait_ ” Alex interrupts. 

“What?”

“You work for SETI?”

“Um yes? What?”

“You’re telling me that you, a bonafide hatched-from-a-pod _alien_ , works for the _Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence Institute_? Are you fucking with me right now?” Alex’s tone is incredulous but he’s a second away from laughing at Michael’s words.

Michael laughs. “I’m not joking, Alex. It was Rosa’s idea actually, she claimed ‘we need to keep our enemies close or something’ and I applied as a prank, but once I got the position and access to the Allen Telescope, it was one of the best things to have happened to me. Now I could gaze at the infinite stars of the cosmos and get paid to do so, with student support and equipment. And I can ensure that humans keep living, knowing that there are no aliens amongst us.” 

Alex throws his head back and laughs like he hasn’t in a very long time. The irony of this Michael’s career choices fills his lungs with mirth and he can’t help the peals of laughter bursting out of him. 

“Ok ok fine, wise guy. What else?”

“What else, let’s see. Max is a published author, he’s written two novels and I think a third is currently underway. Liz runs a Chemistry and Chemical Biology lab at UCSD, and she and Max have two tiny ones who are the lights of our lives. Sometimes we collaborate with her on computational biology experiments. Isobel has her own small architecture firm and Noah is a corporate lawyer for Silicone Valley. They have a beautiful little daughter who is barely old enough to know us,” Michael suddenly laughs, as if at himself, “we all get together for weekend brunches.”

Alex’s jaw gets lower the longer Michael talks, and he chuckles darkly when he notices. “Things weren’t always this rainbows and sunshine. We had our fair share of roughness since childhood. Foster care did not help at all, but when I returned to Roswell I was determined to get out of there and take Max and Isobel with me. When I first met you I was so jaded by the reality of the world, I didn’t care about anything except my siblings. And then you and I started hanging out in senior year -”

“So did we!” Alex interrupts, full of excitement. 

Michael turns to stare at him for a second. “Did you offer to let me stay in your tool shed as well?” 

“Um yeah. You had stolen my guitar from the music room and I caught you behind the bleachers in your truck and I saw the bedroll and um...I _wanted_ to.”

Michael smiles fondly and nods, and Alex suddenly stops to consider the weight of sharing the same memory with a man from another reality. 

“Then you tried to kiss me and I panicked.” Michael smiles sadly at Alex who can’t help but return the smile. That weekend had been a new level of terrible, stressed and scared that he had chased Michael off with his overture, and he had been worried Michael would start ignoring him or send Max or worse _Isobel_ to beat the crap out of him. 

“Then you randomly showed up at the Emporium after a few days and I was so sure you were going to tell me I was mistaken and that you didn’t like me that way.” 

Michael chuckles again, “I was so nervous when I got to the Emporium that day. I knew I wanted to kiss you but I had no idea what to say so you’d let me kiss you. When I finally did kiss you, it was the best day of my life so far.” 

“A few weeks later, you were mine,” Michael finishes, lost in the memory once more. 

Alex sighs deeply, feeling none of the fondness for what happened after, to both of them.

“A few weeks later, my dad crushed your hand in the toolshed, and Rosa Ortecho died.” 

Michael’s face falls and it seems like he considers reaching out to Alex for a moment, but changes his mind. “Jesse Manes destroyed my hand too, you know,” he says softly. 

Alex can’t help the soft noise of disbelief he makes, staring at both of Michael’s hands, looking whole and healthy. “What happened?” Alex asks. He needs to know, he has to know what could have been done to save Michael, to save his future. 

“I ran to Max who healed me, and then drove me to UNM early to make sure I was safe from your dad. Rosa stayed with me that summer to make sure I didn’t self-destruct when you decided to join the Air Force.” Michael looks away in the distance again, and Alex feels the weight of possible options not explored crush him. Max could have saved Michael, if only Alex had been faster, if only he had thought about protecting Michael some other way than by running away. 

“I think this is where our stories diverge,” he replies, not sure how else to share in a memory he doesn’t have. 

Even so, he can’t help adding, “I thought I knew. When Liz lost Rosa, and Max lost Liz, I thought I understood what that loss was like, how it felt to lose a part of yourself - maybe not the same way they had, but still I thought I had some idea.” He smiles bitterly and shakes his head. 

“I had no idea.”

***

Kyle and Isobel both have day jobs so they’re at the lab the least. Rosa is the only other fixture in the lab but she doesn’t do much more than research or make travel plans, so Alex kind of wishes Isobel or Kyle were around more. Just so he would have a couple sympathetic people to talk to, other than Michael. _This_ Michael who looks at Alex with some indescribable expression, and who makes him feel equal parts helpless and angry. 

Even Liz looks at him with more sympathy and kindness than he can bear, when she’s not so utterly focused on the work she forgets that the rest of the world exists. There still isn’t a whole lot for Alex to do, other than research the Caulfield data, which he could technically do from home. But he can’t help but come to the lab everyday, because he won’t abandon his friends. 

He promised _his_ Michael he’s done walking away, and he intends to keep that promise - to the Michael right here with him, and to the one lost to Alex right now, somewhere out there in the cosmos.

**Michael (there)**

They come back to a very quiet house, Milo the puppy still at Max and Liz’s. Michael hears the hushed conversation Alex has with Liz about letting Milo stay so he could focus all his attention on Michael, and he guesses at Liz’s agreement, seeing how relieved Alex was after the call. He locks himself into a room that looks like his study and tells Alex through the door that he needs some space. The angry response he gets in return, almost makes him think he has _his_ Alex back, all prickly and witty and categorically unable to let Michael get away with bullshit. But Michael doesn’t budge, he doesn’t have the mental capacity to look Alex in the eyes right now.

After sleeping most of the next day, hunger and boredom finally force him out of his little fortress of solitude. He finds Alex looking even more exhausted than he last saw him, dark circles under his eyes and an air of stubborn determination the only thing keeping him from face planting on his desk where he’s barely pretending to work, a thousand yard stare at the screens in front of him. 

He spends most of the day avoiding Alex but then feels guilty enough that he makes a conscientious effort to be around him that evening. He powers through an extremely somber dinner, thankful they did not have to worry about cooking, with all the food they got from Avin lasting them well into a third day of meals. He feels guilty at his own relief about Alex not engaging him in any conversation, leaving him with all the mental capacity to plan an escape. 

He considers leaving the country, but opts for Roswell instead, hoping Maria or Rosa or even Valenti is living there in this reality. Hopefully Maria or even Mimi’s weird psychic abilities are still a thing and they can help him get back home. 

After dinner Alex puts on music that Michael doesn’t recognize, and Alex’s brief look of abject despair when he asks about the artist horrifies him. He has seen Alex cry, and Michael doesn’t know if he’ll ever stop being haunted by the tears on Alex’s face when Michael had unleashed his sadness and fury at him all those months ago. For a brief moment, he is terrified that this Alex would cry.

“It’s Jesse Cook. We both tried to learn to play guitar to his music and ended up falling in love with it. Do you remember -” Alex visibly stops himself and takes a steadying breath. Then just turns around and walks away to the kitchen. Michael waffles for the entire 10 minutes it takes Alex to load up the dishwasher and turn it on, but stays rooted to the spot when he sees Alex return. 

Alex rubs at his face tiredly, and Michael can’t help the deep slash of guilt he feels at seeing his exhaustion. 

“Do you think you can give sleep a chance, now that we’re home?” Alex asks softly but not unkindly. 

Michael looks down at the floor and frowns, guilt still sitting heavy in his stomach when he says, “but I’m not, Alex.”

“What?”

“Home.”

***

He waits till he feels Alex’s breathing even out, and then waits another hour. He gets out of bed slowly, moving across the house, thankful that the puppy isn’t around to wake up and make noise at the movement. Sending a silent and sincere apology to a deeply sleeping Alex, Michael steals his wallet and keys and leaves. He was careful to keep his own wallet safe so Alex wouldn’t get any ideas. 

He takes a cab to the airport. Taking Alex’s wallet and keys was just a safety measure, just in case Alex does wake up and figures out what Michael is upto, but given how tired Alex has been, Michael hopes it never comes to that. 

He books a flight to Albuquerque at the desk, and he breezes through security since he has no luggage. Once he’s through security, Michael releases a breath, feeling calmer and more confident in his plan. He can finally go back to Roswell, talk to someone who understands what the hell is going on with him, maybe even check to see if his equipment is still intact in his bunker. He’s feeling better that he might even run into Maria or Valenti and get them to help him. 

All his confidence flies out the window when he feels a hand on his arm, and turns around to see Alex looking at his with deep sorrowful eyes. 

“I guess I should say _well done_ ,” he says, greeting Alex with a bitter smile. “How did you find me so fast?”

Alex gives him a brief look of such _you’re an idiot, Guerin_ vibes that Michael gets a quick flash of home again. “First thing I did was to put a track on your license, passport, and credit cards.”

Michael can’t believe he didn’t think of something so small and obvious. Just because this Alex is all friendly smiles and overt emotions, doesn’t make him any less of an intelligence officer and hacker. “Of course you did, how did I not see this coming.”

Alex sighs and leans back in the seat. “Why are you going to Roswell? Do you miss our summer home that much?”

“Just missing the New Mexico desert,” Michael responds evasively.

Alex rolls his eyes and nods, finally looking away from Michael. The silence between them stays, starting to congeal in a sticky uncomfortable way.

“Will you at least let me come with you?” Alex finally asks. 

Up until now Michael has seen Alex be irritated and determined, but now he’s starting to sound... _resigned_ . And Michael, well Michael can’t bear it. Even if this isn’t the Alex he knows, the Alex he _loves,_ this is still Alex Manes. And Michael’s DNA was restructured when he fell in love with Alex at seventeen, to never ever tolerate causing Alex pain. 

In that moment, Michael’s heart, his mind, and his soul all realign and remember how much he loves Alex, no matter _which_ Alex and all his plans to escape evaporate as soon as they come in contact with the resigned slope of Alex’s shoulders. He stands and turns, offering a hand to Alex. 

“Why don’t we go back home, darlin’?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all coming together now! We are getting closer to the end finally!   
> Will it be super weird if I start responding to comments now? Will you all think I'm an idiot for not responding sooner?  
> As always all the gratitude to [estel_willow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estel_willow/pseuds/estel_willow)

* * *

**Michael (there)**

The first thing Michael Guerin had to learn in order to survive in the strange new world he landed in was the ability to adapt to his environment, making himself appear like he belonged anywhere. This skill came in handy around the particularly crazy foster families, or later when Max or Isobel started asking too many questions about his eating habits. He learned to be and to say what people needed him to, in order to make them feel comfortable. 

He’s been working on this particular skill since he hatched out of the pod, but right now following Alex around in this little corner of domestic bliss created with another copy of him, Michael finds himself completely out of his comfort zone. 

He knows what Alex wants, of course he does, it’s clear in the way he leads Michael by one hand, around each corner of the house. He sees Alex tracking his every reaction almost obsessively, hoping for even the slightest spark of recognition, a sense of familiarity he can hold onto, anything that would lead Michael to believe this is the life he has built for himself and Alex. 

But Michael is just as disconcerted to wake up in this bed this morning, as he had been a few days ago. Thankfully there isn’t a puppy snoozing on his belly this time, or else he may have hurt the poor pup in his panic to get away. 

The orderly set of toiletries in the bathroom feels wrong. The clothes in the closet are all color coordinated and clearly not salvaged from Goodwill. Of course they all fit him perfectly, elegant lines and subtle hints of color, absolutely nothing like the hand-me-downs and salvaged clothing he has been wearing his whole life. 

He can’t help but jerk in surprise when Alex tucks a curl away from his forehead, or caresses his arm when handing him a cup of coffee with a soft, “here you go babe.”

He finds nothing familiar about the kitchen, all clean lines with a careful array of spices and minimalist utensils around, some of which were supposedly wedding gifts from Max and Isobel. 

“Oh yeah, we’re married. That’s right.” 

Alex smiles fondly and blushes, a surprising reaction that Michael wasn’t really expecting. But nothing here is what he was expecting, so he lets himself go with the flow on this one, since it didn’t lead to Alex’s face shuttering and eyes going distant and hurt like they do when Michael says he does not recognize something. 

“We just celebrated our third anniversary a couple months ago,” Alex responds shyly. 

They move from the kitchen to the living room, which Michael already knows very well but is still an unfamiliar territory for him. Still he wants to sink into the giant plush chair in the corner that Michael remembers seeing in a furniture catalog at Isobel’s. The chair is slightly worn at the edges, a testament to the other Michael’s preference in a space that has a lot of touches of Alex’s tastes. Michael feels a strong urge to sink into the chair, pull Alex on top of him, right into his lap, and kiss his worried frown away. 

This Alex would definitely let him, and Michael definitely wants to, wants to just take this slice of domestic bliss that he has always wanted with Alex, wants to believe this can be his.

But it isn’t. 

What if he just stayed in this universe, he could lock his own reality away, abandon the death and destruction and heartache deep into the recesses of his mind? Forget the truth and embrace the happiness being offered to him on a silver platter. 

But right now, the touch of Alex’s gentle hand on his back is all Michael needs to remember this is not his, this Alex is not _his_. None of the trust and love and affection Alex is offering him is his to take. 

**Alex (here)**

Isobel decides to take the aggressive step and take a walk through Michael’s head. After a ninety minute long screamfest between them, Michael finally relents and gives his consent. Alex and Kyle remain skeptical. 

“The whole reason for this experiment is to see the extent of changes in your subconscious that we can identify. There must be threads of continuity that we can identify and focus on, to help find that door to your reality.”

“How do we know that Michael won’t just throw you out of his subconscious if it’s just the two of you? You need a third party,” Alex throws out. 

“Fine. Alex comes with us.” Isobel’s relenting huff is nothing short of irritated. 

“It’ll be fine, Isobel,” Michael reassures her, smiling the same way Alex has seen his own Michael smile at her countless times. Alex no longer has the ability to keep a running tally of the differences between this Michael and his, and the absolute absurdity of having to keep such a list doesn’t escape his notice. 

Isobel looks at them both, and Alex feels a shift in his gut like the falling sensation on a roller coaster. 

Next thing he knows, they are waking up in his cabin, and he hears Michael chuckle right behind him. 

“Well this isn’t strange at all, darlin’,” 

Alex has a brief flash of irritation and thinks about ignoring him for a second, but then focuses on the task at hand. 

“You said, that first day, that you knew my cabin. That it was our summer home together, where you’re from. You got a lot of it right, but there have to be some things I’ve arranged differently, in my version of the cabin. There’s nothing that belongs to you here, for example.”

“It’s also just us here. Where’s Isobel?” Michael’s look shifts into something a little guilty, and Alex stares. “What did you do?”

“I may have asked Isobel to let just you and I in here. Over the years I’ve built very strong mental defenses against Isobel and I wasn’t sure how my mind would react to her if she decided to join us as well.”

Alex stares for a moment, floored that this Michael’s subconscious would accept Alex but not his sister. He locks up that thought too, and returns to the task at hand. Stretching his hand out, he wordlessly invites Michael to start surveying the space. 

Michael gives him a look of gratitude for not questioning his decision, and moves forward. Alex uses a moment of feeling sorry for himself and the days when all conversations with Michael turned into sarcastic banter. 

Michael starts walking around the living room, staring at some of the books and DVDs, smiling at some titles while frowning at the others. 

“Something that you don’t recognize?” Alex prompts after one significant frown. 

“Nope, just depressed to see you have the same obsession with non-fiction in both realities. Were you hanging out with Max a lot in this world?”

This is clearly a rhetorical question, so Alex ignores it. 

Michael drops the rest of the living room and walks towards the bedroom, probably ready to find something more appealing to look at. He walks around the mindscape of Alex’s bedroom surrounded by shimmering colors, and clicks his tongue disapprovingly. 

“This bed hasn’t been slept in for days. Is this a keeping up appearances thing or have you really not been sleeping in your real bed for this long out there?”

Alex tries to keep on pretending this is _also_ a rhetorical question, but sees the glare Michael sends at him and relents. He’s surprised at how much the worry in Michael’s eyes affects him. 

“I’ve been busy,” Alex tries, aware of how lame he sounds. 

“With what though? This is a Liz and Kyle problem, maybe a little bit of an Isobel problem. And I’m aware how crazy it’s driving the rest of you to have me instead of your Michael here, but there really isn’t a whole lot you can do about it.” 

“The problem isn’t you - or having you here,” Alex hesitates, wets his lips and tries again. “It’s having _him_ gone.”

“Oh I know, darlin’,” Michael agrees with a quick nod. “I’m pretty sure none of you are as ready to have me gone, as I am.”

Alex halts for a moment, surprised. He’s been so preoccupied with _his_ Michael being gone, he didn’t even consider what it might be like for _this_ Michael to be the one missing. 

“Do you think the other side has figured it out already?” he asks, emboldened by the privacy of the mindscape, and the need to be truthful this setting demands. 

“I don’t know,” Michael responds with casual candor. 

He walks around the small room and comes to stand on the opposite side of the neatly made bed with its military sharp corners. He peers at the small nightstand with its solitary lamp. 

“I’m sure by now they all know something is off. Alex won’t miss how different I’ll be, if any of your own reactions to me are to be considered. But this whole thing with the experimentation and mirror universes is a bit more difficult to understand and get to,” Michael huffs softly, “I mean I doubt any of you would have believed me if Liz and Kyle hadn’t stepped up and shared what they’ve been doing. And our Liz and Kyle don’t work on these things.”

Alex tries to process this information. “So you’re saying that on that side, Michael is probably trapped? That no one will believe him and no one will try to help?”

Michael swings around to look at him, eyes ablaze. “Of course not! No, they _are_ trying to help him.” He shakes his head, “Alex will use his last breath to save me, and he will be so sure that’s who that guy is. Still me, just not entirely right.” He pauses for a breath, “they probably think I’ve suffered an injury from tech malfunction or something.”

Alex tries to be tactical. “Do they know about aliens and the - you said you met the same way so-” 

“Oh they’ll know about the aliens. And they’ll know about all the work I did in my misguided youth, though without the additional benefit of personal experience like all of you have had. And I told you, I still work on some alien things, but in completely academic and legal ways. Doesn’t mean there aren’t ways for things to go wrong and, even with all the Antarans around, we haven’t quite understood all the ways Antar tech and Earth tech reacts to each other. There will unfortunately be plenty of options for Alex and my siblings to choose from, all of which will seem a lot more plausible than the real reason.”

“So it’s all up to us then,” Alex says, trying to stay focused on sending this Michael back to his world than obsessing over what his Michael must be going through. “We’re Michael’s only hope of getting home.”

Michael’s responding smile never reaches his eyes. 

“And mine.”

**Michael (there)**

He’s a little relieved when Alex shows him the gun safe and the unlocking mechanism. At least he has a few familiar options still. 

“I’m trusting you not to be reckless with this,” Alex says gravely, gently closing the safe with the two 9 mms secured behind a false bottom of the nightstand. 

“Don’t you worry darlin’, I know damn well that my way out of here is not through a bullet to the head.” 

Instead of reassuring Alex however, his nonchalance makes Alex flinch tangibly. Michael can’t help but wrap his arms around Alex’s shoulders, trying to allay his fears. 

***

After familiarizing Michael with the living space, Alex moves on to their daily routine. He informs Michael that morning walks with Milo are Michael’s responsibility and giving him his breakfast. Milo will start crying five minutes before the alarm anyways, Alex informs him, there is no skipping. 

“I guess I’m the designated puppy butler,” Michael responds with a shrug. 

The response instantly has an affect on Alex, who suddenly brightens, grinning at him. “You say that every time!” he shares, tone slightly pleading to share in Alex’s celebration of recovered familiarity. Michael hates to step on this moment, but there is no way to join in either, so he shrugs again and asks, “what happens next?”

Alex’s smile dims a little, but he continues on, sounding brighter than before. “It’s summer time so neither of us have classes, but you leave to work at the Allen Telescope four days a week right now. I’m working from home so you wake up early and get started on the breakfast and coffee. We babysit for Liz and Max every Thursday night, and on Sundays we have family dinners with both your siblings. I’ve canceled your sessions at the Allen for now, but-”

“It’s fine,” Michael immediately responds, knowing Alex was told to share as much of their lives as he could, even if it wasn’t immediately relevant. 

Alex nods. “We generally go for a run once a day because I have to keep up the strength in my leg. I don’t know if you’re up to it, but maybe we can go this evening, or maybe we can just take a walk the usual way we take -”

Michael mentally groans at the mention of running. “I can keep up Alex,” he says instead, trying to cut off any further mollification. The body he’s currently possessing may not be his, but he can feel the strength of it just the same. Even though this Michael and Alex seem to be living the California hipster lifestyle, they haven’t let themselves go. 

Alex seems happy about this. “Great! We’ll run tonight, and um - you generally make dinner after we run unless it’s my day to cook, and I just -”

“Grab take out?” Michael hazards a guess, thinking of his own Alex, who’s a master hacker and speaks fluent Pashto, but almost burnt the kitchen down boiling an egg. 

It seems that is the truth in this reality too, because Alex smiles shyly and looks away for a moment, before turning around with a determined face Michael is quickly getting familiar with. 

“My ordering skills are unparalleled.”

A laugh punches out of Michael, “I’m sure they are, darlin’”

**Alex (here)**

Alex gets a call at 2am. He’s been busy creating a timeline of events in both Michaels’ lives to help Liz and Kyle, so he picks up right away. Isobel’s voice greets him. “Liz has a new theory and she wants to share it with the team. Can you grab Michael?”

Alex is fully awake, but tired enough to ask, “why didn’t you just call him yourself?”

Isobel’s silence seems three years long. Eventually she responds in a neutral tone, “I thought he was staying with you.”

“Oh,” Alex responds, pauses, then adds a curt, “we’ll be at the lab in half hour tops,” and hangs up the phone before Isobel can ask him where Michael really is.

He walks away from the timeline he was working on. He’s been thinking about it since his conversation with Michael outside the lab, and he thinks he is starting to see where the divergence occurred in the other Michael’s life. 

He jumps in the car and makes his way over to Kyle’s, hoping Michael is staying put instead of moving to some motel that he doesn’t know about. He keeps mulling the changes in the universe on his drive over, creating a mental sketch of the pivotal moments where histories started diverging. He had always believed his dad catching them in the toolshed had been what derailed Michael’s life here, but now, after knowing everything about Michael and his siblings, it is clear that Rosa’s death is what changed everything. 

But Alex is stuck on understanding the _why_ of the set of events. Why didn’t Max heal Michael in this universe when he clearly did in the other? Why did Liz and even his own reactions to the situation vary so drastically from their counterparts? How exactly did Michael go from the person he knows, to the man he has spent the last few days with, a Michael who talks about his Alex with unconditional love, adoration, and pride? 

He realizes when he is parking outside of Kyle’s place that he never actually called Kyle. Thankfully when he does call, Kyle picks up immediately, sleep heavy voice making Alex’s gut squirm with guilt. 

“Liz has news, can you send Michael? You should get some rest.” Kyle’s response is just a tired huff and the line goes dead. Five minutes later he sees both Kyle and Michael come out, but Kyle is holding his own car keys. “I need to go see my mom later today so I’ll follow you both,” he says by way of explanation. 

Michael and Alex both nod then look at each other. They smile at each other, sharing a brief moment of hope before Michael follows Alex into the car. The ride over is silent in a way that isn’t quite uncomfortable, but makes Alex hesitate to break it. He notices Michael staring out the window and keeps his eyes on the road. 

When they get to the lab, the whole team is there, looking as tired as Alex feels. Liz, clearly, has been spending all her time on this problem because she looks a second away from vibrating out of her skin, and even the usually flawless Isobel is looking a little rough around the edges. 

Kyle rushes in after them and looks around, a bewildered look on his face. “So what’s the news? Liz?” 

“What? Oh yes. I have news!” Liz starts. “OK so I was finally able to isolate the specific combination of the formula used for the consciousness transfer, and this one is more stable than what I had first worked on and a lot stronger too,” she pauses. 

Alex can feel the “but” lingering around her, so he voices it for her instead of suffering through the dramatic pause. 

“ _But_ I can’t figure out how to open up a link between the universes to make sure Michael will go back to the right universe. And to make sure our Michael comes back here.”

Everyone stares at Liz for a moment, but Kyle is the one to break the silence, “What do you mean the _right_ universe? Are there more than two?” Michael is already nodding his head before Liz can even open her mouth to respond and answers instead of Liz. 

“Absolutely. Quantum theory of mechanics does establish an infinite number of universes, with various degrees of similarity and differences from our own. The number of possible versions of our world is limitless; I mean if we’re being honest there could be-”

“A universe where it’s the darkest timeline,” Liz pipes up, grinning at the group. 

Everyone stares at her, faces blank and eyes confused. 

“What? Literally no one here has watched TV?” 

Alex rolls his eyes and moves to walk away when his phone rings. Looking at the group with confusion, since everyone who could call him right now is in front of him. He pulls out his phone and immediately swears a streak under his breath. The caller ID makes him stumble a little, and he has to take three deep breaths before answering. 

“Hello, Maria.”

“Alex. Is Michael with you?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't forget this fic! Real life has been a struggle recently, but this fic was never too far from my thoughts.  
> Thanks as always to my favorite human [estel_willow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estel_willow/pseuds/estel_willow) who seriously puts up with all my shenanigans.

* * *

**Michael (there)**

On the second day of following the insane running schedule, Michael develops a whole new level of admiration for Alex. He watches as Alex changes prosthesis to a running blade and soundly beats Michael’s lazy ass not once but twice. But once they get home, the routine of cooking and sifting through mindless academia starts to feel oppressive to Michael. 

Alex invites Max and Isobel for dinner, and Michael is eternally thankful for the change in pace. As wonderful but weird as it is to see his siblings free from trauma and heartache and just _happy_ , he finds Alex more difficult to be around. When it’s just the two of them in the house, there are too many chances to do the wrong thing, to see that sad little downturn of Alex’s lips. Even worse is when Alex is being generous in his affections with Michael, which is _all the damn time_ , and it hurts Michael in a way no bullet or bomb will ever hurt him. 

Max greets him with a tight hug and shoulder thump, which _ow_ , but it’s Isobel’s tight hug that makes him feel like he can breathe again. After the damage he had done at the party, Michael had spent a few nights worrying if Isobel will ever speak to him again. Now, holding her tight, he realizes how much he was missing his sister. 

Instead of staying with him, however, she immediately turns and grabs Alex to shove him into the kitchen, where Michael figures she’s giving him a consoling pep talk or whatever. He knows Isobel won’t need to do this to him, and given that everyone is convinced Michael has lost his mind, Alex needs all the consoling from his friends. 

Max stands there looking at him with his crazy big puppy eyes for ten whole seconds before Michael resigns himself to his own pep talk - or shovel talk. 

“How are you, Michael?” Max asks eventually. Michael wasn’t gonna start. 

Michael rolls his eyes and tries to emanate an aura of a completely sane person. “I’ve been worse.”

“I don’t know, man. I don’t think the rest of us have seen something this bad.”

“Not even the whole hatching from a pod, alien thing?”

“No because as it turned out, we weren’t alone.” 

Michael pauses before he can reply. It’s true that life here seems to have been easier for them. The familial closeness with Liz, the lack of overt injury to his hand, and his mother’s existence, all speak to a level of happiness that he doesn’t have back home. Max probably sees his hesitance, so he keeps on talking. 

“But don’t worry brother, if anyone can help you figure this out, it’s Alex.”

Michael chuckles. “He’s one stubborn guy, for sure.” 

Max’s response is also a chuckle. “You would know. Alex saved us from more than one bad life decision because I was afraid of facing his disappointment.”

Michael walks over to the living room and pulls out a bottle of Highland Park from the second china cabinet. He remembers Alex telling him of his continued love of good whiskey, learned over the years of hanging with Alex’s Air Force buddies. Michael mentally congratulates his other self for cultivating a small bar in the middle of the living room, and pours out a glass for Max and himself. 

Max takes the offered glass and toasts him, “good to see some of your good habits back.” Michael almost corrects him, but decides to sip on the twelve year old whiskey instead. Max then spends an hour telling Michael about all the times Alex helped one of them, small things that ranged from going as Isobel’s prom date, to big things like getting Rosa to rehab in San Francisco, where Rosa apparently learned to channel her energies into art dealing instead. 

Or the amazing time when Max decided to propose to Liz at sunset at the beach _amongst nature and the stars,_ and how Alex had flown Arturo, Maria, and Kyle so Liz would be surrounded by family when he proposed. And then had to stash everyone in his SUV when the pouring rain threatened to wash them all out before Max could even put the ring on Liz. 

Max finally wraps up with the moral of this entire lesson, and Michael figured this is where they were headed the entire time. He forgot Max is a writer here, big dramatic speeches are literally his life. 

“Alex helped twice in our lives which instantly proved he was family though. When Izzy took a turn for the worse in senior year and her blackouts were happening almost daily, only Alex heard you when you talked about her being a completely different person at the diner. Alex convinced our parents that something was wrong and Izzy needed time in a safer setting. Away from Roswell.” 

A pause settles between them, giving Michael the chance to process that his sister escaped the alien brainwashing attempt here, that she is actually ok. But Michael is dying of curiosity to know even more. He tries to keep his voice even. “And the other time?” 

Max stares down at the ground for five whole seconds before he responds. “The morning after Jesse Manes found you and him and shattered your hand, Alex came to see me. None of us had ever known what Alex had actually been going through at home until that morning, but Alex didn’t care about himself in that moment. He basically ordered me to fix your hand and convince you to go to UNM early. I was ready to kill his dad that morning, Michael. I was ready to declare over what that son of a bitch did to you, but Alex calmed me down and helped me see reason. He told me that my brother needed me, and if I didn’t go to you then our entire relationship would be destroyed by the time I realized my mistake.”

Max pauses again and Michael releases a breath he has no idea how long he’d been holding. But Alex walked away here too, didn’t he? He has to know why. 

“But Alex still joined the Air Force. He still walked away from me, Max.” 

Max inhales and looks at him, apparently too polite to call him a dumbass like he clearly wants to. “He did that for _you_ , Michael. He told me that he knew you would never agree to leaving for college if Alex stayed in Roswell, so he decided to leave to make sure you were safe, that you got out of Roswell like you needed to. But he never walked away from you, man.” 

Max starts to look a little agitated, “Alex was the only one other than my parents who was there at all our graduations. He was the first person we shared our secret with, and he was the one who helped find the survivors at Caulfield and reunite all of us with our parents. He is the reason Is has her own firm, you have your tenured position, Rosa has her gallery. He’s _family_ , Michael and he is one of the biggest reasons we’re all happy today.” 

Michael sits there with a stunned expression on his face, floored in the realization of how different life is here all because of Alex. A part of him wonders what his Alex was doing that day instead of going to Max, maybe he was stuck at home with Jesse, maybe he was hurt too. All he remembers from later that summer is the fog of fear and agony that constantly surrounded him, and the bone crushing despair at losing his future and Alex all in the same moment. 

Michael wishes he had been stronger back then. 

**Alex (here)**

He paces the front of the Wild Pony and tries to remember a time in his life when seeing Maria was a reason for stress. He never doubted his decision to step away from Michael and Maria’s lives, to give them the space they needed to understand their relationship and move forward. Alex knows he only has himself to blame for losing Michael, his own fear that kept him away from the love of his life. But his self-preservation instincts kept him alive so far, and those instincts told him not to torture himself by watching Michael fall in love with his friend. So he has stayed away. 

As Maria walks out of the bar and towards his SUV, Alex tries to remember those instincts. He knows he can’t tell her about what happened with Michael, he doesn’t even know if Michael told her about him being an alien. But more than that Alex barely put himself back together after months of self-flagellation, he does not have the strength to rehash Michael’s decision again.

“Alex.” Maria’s voice is still soft, but now filled with nerves. 

“Maria. Is everything alright?”

“I don’t know, Alex. I’ve been trying to get a hold of Guerin for days, and I can’t. He hasn’t shown up at the bar, and Liz says she hasn’t seen him either. Is-” Maria pauses, takes a breath. “Is he with you? Is that why he’s hiding from me?” 

Alex hesitates for a moment, unsure of how truthful he can be. This cannot be his burden, his heart and soul are too fractured to carry Maria’s broken heart as well. 

“I’m sorry Maria, he’s not with me,” he says, the only truth he can say. 

“But you know where he is, don’t you,” she asks. 

“I do, but I can’t tell you. I’m sorry Maria, it’s not my place-”

“Are you sleeping with him?” her question cuts through like a knife, and he almost takes a step back from the quiet force of it. 

“I told you he’s not with me. I’m not sleeping with him.” A breath. “I wouldn’t do that to you.” 

Her eyes are bright with unshed tears, and he can’t tell for whom. He starts walking back to his car, knowing if this conversation goes any longer, only terrible truths will be shared, only pain will increase. He doesn’t want that, not for Maria, and not for himself. 

“Alex,” her voice wavers like she wants to sob his name but won’t let herself do it. “When he comes back, will he come back to me?” 

Alex had made a promise to himself that he wasn’t going to be a coward when it came to love, and right at this moment he realized what that actually meant. And he still isn’t ready. 

Alex tries to come up with any other response than the soft “I’m sorry,” he manages to say before jumping into his car and driving away. He knows Maria is too smart to not see what’s in front of her, but all he can see is the mountain of the detritus of another of Michael’s relationship. 

***

Things don’t look like they have progressed too far in the lab. Liz was finally convinced to take a nap right in one of the sleep closets in the hospitals, but returned after 3 hours with the gusto of a mad scientist, right before Alex left to see Maria. Kyle took his leave to go help the Sheriff right around breakfast time, and Alex texted him to let him know that he can take the rest of the day before he checks in again. He already sees Isobel and Liz wearing thin, he won’t let anything happen to Kyle because of overwork. 

He takes a long and slow route back to the lab, letting Maria’s words ring in his head. Will Michael go back to her when he returns? Will they be able to get back their Michael? What if Michael doesn’t remember any of them when he returns? What if Michael blames him for the demise of his relationship with Maria? The questions pile up in his mind, clogging his nerves and his heart and making for a difficult drive back. 

Alex knows he’s being selfish, keeping this version of Michael to himself, not encouraging him to see Maria, even though Michael had been clear that he wasn’t going to see her. But in the deepest recesses of his heart, where the love and devotion to Michael has lived since he was a teenager, Alex can’t help but rejoice in this newly rediscovered attention from Michael. The conversations, the quiet shared intimacy, and the team efforts in solving a problem have been some of the best times recently, and Alex doesn’t want to let that go. 

He walks in to see Isobel and Liz rehashing the conversation from last night (this morning?). He joins them just as Liz is finishing up her explanation. 

“So you’re saying that the universe _wants_ to bring the right Michaels back to their own lives?” Isobel asks. 

“The cosmos want to correct their mistake and switch Michael back to the right body and universe, yes,” Liz nods in agreement. “But all the variables need to be replicated for that fix to take place the way we want it to be.” 

“What do you mean by all the variables?” Alex had to ask. 

“It means that it’s more than just the chemical composition of the serum Michael took, and the switch of his consciousness or soul or _whatever_. It’s...other things too.” 

“What Liz is trying to say,” Michael’s voice pipes up from the back of the lab, and Alex whirls around to face him. How did he miss Michael sitting right there? “Is that we have to recreate the conditions of the original experiment exactly as they were the first time your Guerin and I switched places.” 

Liz hops up next to Michael and thumps him on the shoulder. “Yes, it shouldn’t be too hard to work backwards to pinpoint the exact conditions that were present when Michael and I first tried this and find the critical patterns and when they will take place again. It may take me a little while, and I will need Isobel’s help, but we can do it.”

Michael’s face is inscrutable, and for some reason so is Isobel’s face. “Liz, does this _really_ mean you can send me back home?” he asks, voice hushed and gentle. 

Liz smiles and for the first time in months, Alex sees her almost look like the way she was before - before Max’s semi-death, before Michael’s disappearance. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

**Michael (there)**

The days fly by faster than Michael can even process. He never gets comfortable in this life with Alex and puppy Milo, and the more and more frequent visits from Max and Isobel, increasingly joined by Liz and Noah and the children. This life doesn’t feel any more his. 

But Michael starts to _crave_ that feeling of belonging. Surprisingly, it’s the time spent with Noah that makes him want this world. He forgives Michael for his violent behavior easily, and the more he gets to know this Noah, this wonderful, affable man, devoted husband to Isobel, and a doting father to baby Emma, the more he wants to be the Michael who is this Noah’s best friend. He mourns his real life - where they lost Noah, his sister lost a happy future, and he lost the chance to have a true friend. Playing this Noah’s friend reopens that longing for normality Michael thought he left behind in 2008. 

In the small moments of the day, when Isobel comes by with Emma and they have a lunch date at home, or when Alex finds him and Milo snoozing in the living room after a long afternoon walk and tucks a blanket around them, Michael feels a deep ache to just take over this life and _stay_. He knows he gave up trying to fix the problem after that one single attempt to get away, and how he is basically encouraging Alex’s fantasy about him being his dream spouse in a dream domestic life. 

In the dark quiet moments in the middle of the night, he allows himself to miss his own life. He misses _everyone_ , his siblings - even though Max is basically dead right now - Isobel, brittle and angry, Liz determined but fraying at the edges, even Valenti with his endless patience and generosity, and _Alex_ . Alex with his quiet anger and deadly focus, his prickly wit, and rare smiles. _His_ Alex was like a prize, getting close to him never stopped making Michael feel like he’d accomplished something great. Every time he got to touch Alex, and was touched by Alex in return, Michael felt like his life’s purpose was close to being achieved. 

  
He misses his Alex, and his life. He is still very sure that this life is not his, this devoted, loving Alex is not his. But the longer he is stuck here, the strong he starts wishing it _was_ , that he could just stay here and forget everything about his own life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come cry about all things malex with me on [Tumblr](https://insidious-intent.tumblr.com/)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Penultimate chapter! I did promise I'll bring Michael home, but reunions will happen in the next chapter!
> 
> YOUR KUDOS AND COMMENTS ARE MY LIFE. SERIOUSLY. I got impatient, so this one is unbetaed heh.

* * *

**Alex (here)**

Through some unknown consensus, Michael follows Alex back to his car and they leave the lab. Alex finds himself driving not towards Kyle’s place, or even his own, but towards Foster ranch. He drives at speed limit, meandering, and he can feel Michael’s eyes on him a few times. 

“Alex,” he finally says when the sign for Foster’s comes into view, “what exactly are you doing?”

Alex swallows and finally pulls over on the side of the farm dirt track. The land here feels infinite, nothing but wide open New Mexico desert as far as the eye can see, and the single straight line where the sky meets the earth. Still not saying a word, Alex turns off the car and gets out, moving over and leaning back against the hood and stares up towards the dusky sky. The stars are starting to peak out one at a time. 

He hears rather than see Michael open the car door and join him at the hood of the car. Alex wishes he had thought of getting Michael’s truck so they could sit in the cab, but then he remembers the countless hours he spent with his Michael in that cab, and there is no way he would be able to bring himself to share that space with this stranger wearing Michael’s face. 

They sit in silence for a few minutes, but it feels neither peaceful nor comfortable to Alex. 

“Why do you never talk to me?” he finally starts, not the way he was hoping to have a conversation. 

Michael turns to face him, “what?” 

“You don’t actually say my name or talk to me first, ever. You are never alone with me so you never have to start conversations with me, even though you’re fine with answering all my questions when we’re in the lab surrounded with people Why is that?” 

Michael huffs and looks away. “I kept thinking you’d call me out on it sooner than later. But you are a lot more stubborn than my Alex, so no wonder it took you this long to ask me about it.” 

Alex scoffs and rolls his eyes, unsure of how to respond, so he keeps quiet. 

This only seems to spur Michael on. “I had to be careful, you know,” he starts again, making Alex turn towards him. “I miss him, and missing him while seeing you everyday...it could have gone very wrong for me. You have to understand, you’re  _ just like him _ , and yet you’re so different. You have the same heart, the same determination to help everyone, to protect them all. You are a lot more closed off, but I still had to make sure I wasn’t distracted from my goal here.” 

“What do you mean distracted?”

“There’s so much sadness in you, Alex.” Michael smiles sadly at him. “There is such a weight on your heart, and I can’t help wanting to help you, to make you happy. But I can’t fix things for you, you aren’t  _ mine  _ to fix. So I did what I had to, I found ways to make sure my focus stayed on my single goal - getting back home, to my husband.” 

“Did not saying my name help?” 

“It did, it kept reminding me that you are not mine. That  _ my _ Alex is waiting out there for me.” 

Alex takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, gearing up to ask a question that he has never had the guts to ask his own Michael. “So it wasn’t because you hate me?”

Michael chuckles and looks up at the stars. “I do  _ kinda _ hate you, but only because you’re so close to being the man I’m in love with, and yet you’re nothing like him.”

Alex feels his grief like a boulder between his shoulders. “Yeah, I know what you mean,” he responds. 

**Michael (there)**

Alex has been uncharacteristically quiet this morning, and Michael is starting to get worried. He only answers in monosyllables, and doesn’t even react when Michael compliments the breakfast scrambled eggs and homemade fries. He doesn’t even pick up his head or yell at Michael when he lets puppy Milo try a little bit of toast. 

Michael is starting to panic. 

“Alex,” he finally tries, “is everything alright?”

Alex finally looks up from the cup of coffee he’s been nursing all morning. He looks like he’s been a thousand miles away,  _ a galaxy far far away _ . 

“Do you trust me Guerin?” he asks. Michael startles at the use of  _ Guerin _ , and in a tone he hasn’t heard from Alex since he arrived here. 

“You know I do.” 

Alex nods. “If I ask you to do something for me, will you?” 

Given everything else that Michael has been doing in this strange world, just for this Alex, he isn’t very surprised by his own response. “Of course I would.”

So under instructions from Alex, off he goes to pack a weekend bag. Alex disappears with puppy Milo, presumably to drop him off with Liz. He doesn’t know what Alex has planned, but a trip somewhere doesn’t seem as thought provoking as Alex made it look that morning. 

He seems to have lost all ability to be tough around this Alex. He can’t resist, can’t lash out or hurl truths like sharp knives, meant to hurt. Here he is following Alex’s will, just as he has always wanted to do with the Alex he loves, and yet after all this time and all this love thrown at him, Michael can’t bring himself to love this Alex. 

He gets a call from Isobel, as if she heard his distress. “Michael,” she says, her voice just as lovely as ever, and just as much a balm to his soul, “please do this for Alex, ok? He doesn’t ask for much, but he’s asking this time.” 

“I know Izzy. I’ve got this.” 

“You always say that Michael. But this time I need you to promise me.” 

Michael’s heart feels full, knowing how much his family loves Alex. “I promise, Isobel.”

**Alex (here)**

“Tomorrow,” Liz declares to the group in the middle of the afternoon. 

Alex, who had resorted to writing up brand new security programs for every social media login of his friends, looks up with a start. A nearby stool clatters to the group as Michael stands up in a hurry. 

Everyone is staring at her.

“Ortecho. Did you- did you say  _ tomorrow _ ?” Michael asks with an uncharacteristic stutter. Alex can see the way he’s shaking slightly, the nerves, excitement, and fear all coming through the trembling of his fingers on the counter. 

Liz grins the grin of the victorious. “Tomorrow at sunset, we will have exactly seventeen minutes to send you back home. We can do this a couple ways - I can either sedate you, or you…” she looks around the lab trying to find an alternative. Michael doesn’t give her the chance. 

“Put me under. I want to go to sleep and wake up from this bad dream.” He stops, “no offense.” 

Liz scoffs and swats away the comment, while Alex stands there staring at Michael. Alex sees the glint in Michael’s eyes and knows that he will bend the universe to go back home. Alex understands now, he sees what it means to truly be in love, to love someone so fully that you will bend heaven and earth to get back to them. 

Alex and Michael are connected. They are  _ cosmic. _

**Michael (there)**

The city limits of Roswell, New Mexico feel like a homecoming Michael never thought he’d want, much less appreciate it the way he is at the moment. The thirteen hour drive was broken up by a night spent at a motel, where Alex was smiling but still quiet, and his single response to Michael’s questions had been, “please trust me, babe.” 

There isn’t a Michael Guerin in the cosmic fabric who doesn’t trust an Alex Manes. So Michael just nods and stays quiet. 

Like everything else in this universe, the roads of Roswell feel different. There is a vibrancy to the town that Michael never saw back home. People are milling around, fruit stands line every corner. Back in his Roswell, Michael used to feel like that mosquito in Jurassic Park, trapped in amber, forced to live a static life. Here, in this Roswell, Michael thinks he may have thrived. Here his dreams may have lived and he could have had a family, and a house, and a community that didn’t just shove him in a corner and acknowledge when they needed their cars fixed. 

He looks over at Alex and the realization of all that being true in this Roswell hits him like a tidal wave. This Michael does  _ live _ , he doesn’t just survive. He is loved, and cherished, and supported like Michael has always wanted to be, like he still dreams of being. The loss of his future sits like a heavy stone in his stomach, and Michael does his best to swallow the lump of sadness down his throat. 

Alex must still hear him though, because suddenly there’s a hand on his thigh squeezing gently, and Michael takes comfort in that small gesture of love. 

The Wild Pony is not a dive bar. Michael is so surprised at the name of the building they stop in front of, that he almost stumbles getting out of the car. Only a quick shot of his power buoys him back into standing straight. When Alex walks around to join him, he’s still standing there staring at the beautiful adobe building, with vibrant spice colors adorning the walls and the trinkets that hang from the window. 

“What the  _ hell _ happened to the Pony?” he asks in what may or may not qualify as a hysterical tone. 

Alex stares at him for a single moment, before hanging his head and bringing it back up with a smile. “Eight years ago when Mimi started talking about retirement, Maria sold the bar and opened this boutique restaurant. This is now a premier spot in Roswell,” he says with a flourish of his hands. 

They walk to the entrance together, and the door opens to the most heavenly cooking smells Michael has ever encountered. And to the sight of someone he hasn’t ever met in person so far back home. 

“Welcome back home, my lovely boys.” 

Alex suddenly breaks out in tears. “Mimi,” he says and rushes to envelope Maria’s mother as if she was his own. 

**Alex (here)**

By some unknown consensus, they all end up back at Foster Ranch that night. This time however, Alex remembers to bring blankets and beer, and they grab go-to bags from Crashdown for dinner. The whole group is trying their best not to make this a farewell dinner for Michael, but Alex can sense the shift in everyone. The makeshift bonfire and food make for a comfortable silence, but Alex can sense everyone staring at Michael. Michael, who was up until that afternoon a silent stoic presence, is now practically vibrating where he sits, unable to focus on anything or anyone. 

Isobel is the first one to break the silence. “Will you tell me about us?” 

Michael startles and looks at her. “What do you want to know?” he asks, sounding a little unsure.

Alex doesn’t know if this is a good idea. “Isobel, are you sure you want-” Isobel cuts him off with a regal wave of her hand. 

“Tell me about us. You, me, and Max. Are we happy?”

Michael smiles at his sister, and Alex feels a pang in his heart. Even before this mixup of universes, it was weeks since he saw his own Michael smile like that at anyone, much less his family. He sees Michael’s smile and thinks he’d like to make Michael smile that way when he gets back. 

He makes himself pay attention to what Michael’s saying. “I have three nephews and nieces. Lily and Jaime are Liz and Max’s children. You and Noah have Emma.” Alex can see both Isobel and Liz trying to hold back tears even as they smile fondly, and he wonders if he should have done more to stop this conversation. 

“We all got out of Roswell. California is good to us. We are all happy, we all have our person, and we are loved, and we are  _ happy _ .” 

Isobel looks visibly shaken, and Alex is ready to jump in with a change of subject when Kyle saves the day. “Guerin, this entire thing has been like some episode of Twilight Zone I never got around to watching. And I get that you are sharing stories of your family and stuff, but,” here Kyle hesitates for a moment, “am I a good person back there?”

Michael looks a little stunned at the question, but quickly recovers with a small laugh. “Kyle Manuel Valenti. You are the best man I know, and one of my closest friends. Alex beat me to the best friend title there too, but I think I’m a close second.” Michael grins at Kyle, eyes filled with fondness. “But your wife is your forever number one.” 

“My...wife?” 

Michael keeps grinning. “I always knew you and Deluca would make a great couple. You stood by her through her mom’s illness, and recovery,  _ and  _ retirement. You two were made for each other, man.” He shakes his head, eyes on the ground and a million miles away in another universe where Maria gets a happily ever after. 

Kyle looks over at Alex, and Alex smiles sadly at him. Maybe if things were different, Maria and Kyle could have been a thing here as well. But the way things stand right now, the fissure between their friendships doesn’t seem to be closing any time soon. 

Alex thinks there may be something else to believe in, if this entire debacle has shown him. They’re putting their faith in the  _ universe _ after all, maybe it isn’t too late for them here. 

***

The collective nerves in the lab are palpable the next day. Everyone is on edge, and even Isobel looks like she didn’t sleep at all the night before. The group huddles around Michael who has gone calm, steady like a fort in a hurricane. Liz’s hands are sure as she fills up the syringe and hands it to Kyle, who administers the syringe into the drip in Michael’s arm. 

Alex is still, hands clenched in Michael’s right hand. As Michael slowly loses the thread of consciousness, Alex bends down and presses a soft kiss to his cheek. 

“Goodbye Michael Guerin, and thank you.” 

**Michael (there)**

They are sat at a round table, semi-private area and Michael’s eyes keep darting to the additional visitors who joined them and Mimi. He can’t help feeling really prickly, after the first few days of absence, Michael figured he was free from Valenti’s existence in his life, but turns out Dr.  _ Asslenti  _ was just stuck in Roswell. With his wife. 

_ Kyle Valenti’s wife. Maria.  _

Michael doesn’t know how to feel, looking at Deluca and Valenti canoodling like Hallmark channel couples. If the 2.5 karat ring on her finger didn’t make it clear they were playing for keeps, the small planet she swallowed some time recently, definitely did. He keeps yo-yoing between guilt of knowing what Maria looks like naked, screaming with pleasure, and anger that this is  _ yet another  _ part of life Valenti ruined for him. What is the guy’s damage. 

“Take a picture Guerin, it’ll last longer,” Maria sing songs, patting her really pregnant belly with one hand, and holding a breadstick in another. Mimi has one of Alex’s hands in hers, patting gently. Valenti had tried the whole long-lost-friend-bro hug and handshake routine with Michael, but he had to shut that down  _ immediately _ . Douche. 

Michael tries to recover from the unsubtle creeping. “I’m just trying to see if I still have a shot with you Deluca. You sure you wanna be stuck with Cheekbones over there?” 

The silence that follows is somehow simultaneously judgmental  _ and  _ stunned. The Valenti-Delucas stare at Michael as if he’s grown two heads, while Alex just closes his eyes in sheer despair. 

Mimi turns to look at Alex. “I see what you mean, Alex.”

Every fiber of Alex’s being radiates despair, “I am working on a fix, Mimi.” Michael grits his teeth and reminds himself this is  _ not _ his world, these are  _ not  _ his people, and he shouldn’t feel like a toddler being handled by this virtual strangers. 

The rest of the meal passes in similar mix of awkwardness and gentle cryptic messages from Mimi. Michael rebuffs Valenti’s attempts at friendly conversation twice before the guy gives up and just dotes on Maria. And Maria decides to split her time between talking to Kyle and Alex, and glaring at Michael. 

As the afternoon starts to fade away, Alex starts to vibrate with energy so Michael figures they can finally do the mysterious thing Alex brought him over here to do. Mimi walks with them to the car, and stops Michael with a hand to his arm. 

“I know you are lost, my child,” her lilting voice fills his head and it’s like all the anger rushes out of him in a whoosh. “Home isn’t just a dream of a house and a white picket fence. Home is built on sweat, and tears, and laughter, and love. Home is a lifelong commitment, and it can be a person. Go back to your person, Michael Guerin.” 

Michael looks at her and feels the way she sees him, sees his truth and feels the tears prickling behind his eyes. She’s right, he  _ is  _ lost, and only now does he realize where his home lies. 

*******

They walk a few minutes through downtown, and end up at a very familiar building. Michael almost bursts into laughter seeing the sign of the UFO Emporium, how did he not see this coming? 

They come to a full stop right where they did back in 2008, when Michael first decided to be brave for a boy he thought he liked. Standing in the cramped room with the Styrofoam planet models hanging from the ceiling, nostalgia and grief threaten to choke Michael to death. 

“This is where we had our first kiss,” Alex starts to explain. 

“I know. I remember,” Michael responds. 

Alex nods as if he expected that all along. “But those memories don’t seem real anymore, do they?” He smiles softly. “I want to make new memories here, have a whole new first kiss with  _ you _ .”

And before Michael can even begin to respond, Alex grabs his face with both hands and kisses him. It’s a kiss filled with every ounce of love and devotion Alex feels for him. Michael can’t help but close his eyes and pull Alex close, kissing back like they are made for each other, like they are connected.  _ Cosmic.  _

When he opens his eyes, he’s not in the UFO Emporium anymore. He is sitting, reclined in what looks like the sterile setting of the hospital lab, and the Alex looking back at him has a closed off expression on his face, worried but guarded. 

“Guerin?” Alex asks, “are you back with us?”

Oh thank  _ fuck _ . Michael’s home. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. At the end.  
>  **Please be warned: There are multiple POVs in this chapter since both couples' stories needed to move forward. Also, Michael and Maria have a scene where they say unkind things to each other. This is not meant to be disparaging to either character, but to show that when people get angry they can be hurtful**

* * *

**Alex (here)**

He wants to rush Michael. He wants to hold him tight, kiss him hard, mark his skin with his tongue and his teeth so everyone can see Michael’s _his_ , so the universe knows never to fuck with Michael again. 

But he sees the way Michael’s looking panicked around the eyes, overwhelmed and breathing hard, so he steps away and gives him space. 

Michael gets up from the recliner, staring at everyone in the lab for a long moment, before he’s rushed by Isobel and Liz. Both women have tears in their eyes, and Isobel is openly weeping, yelling at Michael to never do this to them again. Liz is hugging him tight as well, apologizing for what happened and asking him to forgive her. Alex wishes he could do the same. 

Michael holds them both tight, shushing them while keeping his eyes closed and taking deep breaths. Alex can see the tension leaving his body, and when Michael’s eyes open again, the panic has been replaced with a slight relief. 

Alex waits until the group hug subsides, and Kyle has to do a drive-by check up of Michael since he refuses to sit still. He can see Michael backing away from the group slowly, and he can tell that Isobel clocks Michael’s retreating steps as well. Alex sees her gearing up to stop Michael, but her mind reading alien powers must be on overdrive because she stops herself, reorients, and tells the group to give Michael some space. 

Michael’s visible exhale confirms Alex’s suspicion, and he watches as Michael grabs his jacket and hat, and walks out with a small and shaky _see you in a bit_.

Alex turns to look at the group, askance about the next steps. Now that Michael’s back, what should they do? How do they talk to him? _Who_ gets to talk to him?

Isobel, once again, makes the decision for everyone. “I could try and keep an eye on him but I have a business to get back to, I’ve neglected it enough. Alex, will you help?” looking him straight in the eyes.

Alex hesitates. He doesn’t know if it’s his place anymore to be close to Michael, _this_ Michael. He sees Liz and Kyle fidgeting and turns his head to look at them. Kyle opens and closes his mouth a couple times, looking like he’s trying to frame his thoughts in the best way possible. Liz on the other hand, never had to do that with Alex; benefits of a childhood friendship. 

“I think,” she starts, “that it may be time for you to stand your ground and fight for your love, Alex.” She visibly sets her chin and continues. “Be the man Michael needs you to be, _wants_ you to be.”

**Alex (there)**

Alex feels the change in Michael as the kiss continues, but he refuses to stop kissing him. Suddenly the tension Michael had been holding in his shoulders disappears, and he starts to kiss Alex back like he used to. Then Michael shifts, pulling Alex closer, holding him _right_ , the way he knows Alex likes to be held and kissed after years of knowing each other. 

His husband is back. 

When they part to breathe, they don’t move too far, just enough for Michael to move his head back and give him a soft smile, a striking callback to their first kiss. Alex’s body refuses to move farther, his hands stay tight around Michael’s shoulders, holding him close. 

“Michael,” he whispers, suddenly choking back tears threatening to spill down his face, “welcome back, babe.” 

Michael keeps his hands around his face, smiling that lovely little smile of his. “ _God_ I missed you, darlin’,” he whispers. And then they’re kissing again, Michael pouring all his love and his relief in the kiss. Alex matches him, pouring his own anguish and his joy at reclaiming the love of his life. He missed Michael, he missed _this_. 

They break apart again, but stay there, eyes closed and foreheads touching. Michael’s hands still around Alex’s face. 

“What happened to you, Michael?” Alex asks, whispering and low.

“I got lost, darlin’.” 

“Please don’t ever do that to me again,” Alex says.

“I promise, I’m never going _anywhere_ again,” Michael breathes in deeply, “not unless you’re with me.”

***

They take a walk back to the Pony, where the crowds are bustling and Mimi is holding court in the corner with a few of the bridge club ladies. As they approach the table, Mimi looks up and stares for a moment at them both, then suddenly her face splits into a radiant grin. 

“You’re back,” she says, rising from her throne and coming around to hug them each. Alex hugs her first, and when she comes around to Michael, she holds him tight for a moment before pulling back and staring. “I’m glad you found your way back,” she murmurs.

“I’m really glad to be back, Mimi. I missed you all,” Michael responds, voice full of sincere joy. Alex sees Maria and Kyle coming around the corner and they stop for a moment before approaching cautiously. Alex nods at them encouragingly so Maria comes closer and greets Michael. 

“Hey Michael, are you back with us?” 

Michael turns with a big smile on his face, and comes up to hug Maria. Her small step back makes him falter, but he stands still with a smile on his face. “Yes I really am. If you give me a chance to explain, I can apologize for whatever happened earlier.” 

Maria looks at Kyle and then Mimi, then tells Kyle to take them back to the booth from earlier in the day. Mimi and Maria greet the women Mimi was speaking to earlier, and make their apologies for leaving, before joining the group at the booth. 

At the booth, surrounded by family, Alex hears Michael tell a quick story about where he went, what happened, and how he managed to return home. He knows Michael isn’t sharing everything, but Alex feels the guilt cut deeper as Michael’s tale goes on, and he’s almost in tears by the end. 

He grabs Michael’s hands in both of his own. “I’m so _so_ sorry,” he says, voice choking and cracking. 

Michael pulls him closer with one hand on his shoulder, and kisses the top of his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong, darlin’, you did exactly what I would have done had I been in your place. You couldn’t have known exactly what was going on, no one did.” 

“He tried to tell me,” Alex tries to explain. “The other Michael kept trying to tell me what was wrong, but I couldn’t believe him.” 

Maria interjects. “I thought you were having a mental break or something. You called me _Deluca_. You haven’t called me that in years. And you were so cold to Kyle.”

Michael huffs a little, but his voice was somber. “That world, where I was. It was like every mistake I could have possibly made, the consequences came to life in that world. That Michael had made all the wrong turns, lost so many people.” His hold on Alex gets a little tighter and Alex squeezes back. 

“I should have been able to tell, Michael,” Alex tries again. “I should have been able to tell that you weren’t _you_ , I should-” 

“Alex please. You _were_ able to tell something was wrong, and you knew I was back the moment I returned to you. You had no way of knowing what was actually wrong with me, so there was no way for you to fix anything, darlin’.”

Alex sees Mimi reach out and hold Michael’s other hand. “The universe had an agenda, and you two were its mediums. Don’t worry, this was not about you. Love each other and cherish each other like you always have.” She has a kind smile on her face as she talks, and Alex feels a deep breath rush out of him, feeling some of the stress leave his body. 

Maria and Kyle wave them off as they get in the car. Alex lets Michael drive, unable to concentrate on the road, unwilling to take his hand away from Michael’s. His body is exhausted, but his mind refuses to let him sleep, his eyes can’t close, worried that Michael will be gone if Alex chances sleep. 

**Alex (here)**

He sees Michael’s truck swerve into the Pony parking lot and doesn’t know if he has the guts to follow. He watches from a distance as Michael slams the brakes, gets out, then slams the door of the truck to stomp inside the bar, just a couple hours too early. Alex hurts. He hurts for the loss of the other Michael, who only had eyes for Alex. He hurts for _this_ Michael, who was forced to suffer through a universal disruption for weeks. 

After an hour long (or longer) debate with himself, Alex notices the parking lot starting to fill up and decides it’s probably safe to enter without interrupting any romantic reunions between Michael and Maria. He walks in slowly behind a group of townies, and manages to snag a corner seat that looks out at the bar. He can see Michael from here, already four drinks deep, trying to chat up someone Alex can’t see. He thinks it’s Maria until she rounds the other corner of the bar, and instead of greeting Michael, goes straight to the group Alex had walked behind. 

He doesn’t stay long, he can see Michael has settled in for the night, and Alex’s capacity of self-damnation has been depleted by the last few weeks. He sends a quick text to Isobel letting him know Michael’s whereabouts and heads back to the cabin for a first truly quiet night. 

***

Alex doesn’t know what has shifted with Michael, but something has. He keeps following Michael, who has now settled into a routine. He watches as Michael stomps into the Pony right at opening time, cocksure and already stinking of acetone. 

Alex sees Michael drink, get wasted. He sees Michael hustle tourists at pool, sees him walk away with woman after woman every night. 

Alex knows Michael knows he’s there, he doesn’t try to hide himself after that first day. Michael sees him every night, raising a shot at him in a silent toast before getting started for the night. Alex sees him laugh and drink and stumble around tourists. Making Alex witness his self-destruction in a public setting. 

It sets Alex’s teeth on edge and he wants to rip off these random strangers from Michael’s arms. They don’t deserve him, but seeing the look on Michael’s face as he walks away with a new conquest every night is enough to keep him in his seat. 

Alex knew it was his turn to work for Michael’s attention and his heart, his turn to be on the receiving side of someone he loves walking away from him, over and over again. 

If this pit in his stomach and ache in his heart is what it felt like for Michael every time Alex walked away from him in the past, then Alex is happy he’s finally getting what he deserves. 

Maria speaks to Alex only on the second night, and never after that. She lets Alex know that if Guerin gets into a single brawl, both he and Alex will be banned from the bar and this time she will make it stick. Alex does her the courtesy of listening without interruption, does himself the courtesy of not trying to fix things between her and Michael. He may be cursed to atone for the many many sins of his father, but he will not take on Michael’s mistakes as his own. 

**Michael (here)**

Michael is spiraling. He doesn’t know how to feel, how to process how he feels, how to understand what happened. Nothing around him feels real, and even as he drives away from the lab, it’s only muscle memory that gets him to the Pony. He sees Maria at the counter, talking and gesturing to bartenders, and almost stumbles. The picture of a beautiful, pregnant Maria decked in expensive clothes and jewelry with her arms around Valenti superimposes on his vision. It feels like a bad trip looking at her.

This Maria, this Wild Pony, this _life_ doesn’t feel real to Michael. He doesn’t know what to say when Maria spots him and he sees her expression change to one of real anger. She walks over and stands in front of him, arms crossed. 

“Guerin. Where the _hell_ have you been?” 

Michael’s mind is blank. What _could_ he tell her? What does she already know? “Maria I -”

Maria doesn’t let me finish though. “You couldn’t even call or text? A simple _“I’m busy”_ would have put my mind at ease. I didn’t even rank that high in importance to you?” she sounds genuinely hurt. 

Michael holds his arms out in a mollifying gesture at her. “Maria, I’m sorry. I really am. I had a lot going on I pro-”

“Save it,” she snaps. “I let it slide when you lie to me about your hand. You disappear every time Isobel Evans shows up and even _looks_ at you, and still I say nothing. But what do you have going on that you couldn’t even take thirty seconds to say bye before you left?” 

“It was really important and I would have told you, if I could.” 

“ _Really_?” Maria’s skepticism cuts through him like a knife. “What does a broke townie who only drinks and fixes cars has going on that’s so top secret?” 

Michael deserves that, and he realizes he has let things go too long with Maria. His myopic need to have a normal life never took into account that his life is _not_ normal and Maria is _not_ a toy he could use and discard as he pleases. 

Maria’s face is stony, but she isn’t done speaking. “Guerin, I’ve _had it_ . I’m not some puppet you keep around to look like a happy guy with a girl hanging from his arm. I don’t know what is going on between you and Isobel Evans, and what you both did to your parole officer.” Michael can see her fingers curled tight into fists. “I don’t even know if you were with Alex this whole month. So either you come clean _now_ , or we go back to our bartender and mooching customer relationship and I wash my hands off all of this.” 

Michael almost laughs out loud. This might as well happen _now_ , when he feels like a stranger in his own body, when everything around him feels like virtual reality. Unreal. 

“You’re right Deluca. I’ve learned my place, and that’s in the corner of this bar, drinking and screwing my life away,” he gives her the most leery smirk he can manage. “So why don’t you do what you do best, and get me the cheapest drink?” 

He sees the slap coming but doesn’t bother to move out of the way. He deserves this. 

***

Alex is a different problem. He probably did follow Michael to the Pony that first night, but he never saw him then. He is almost glad Alex wasn’t around to watch the implosion of his relationship with Maria, Michael wouldn’t have handled Alex witnessing that very well. 

He does see Alex the next night, and every night after. He makes a game out of it, raising a toast to Alex before walking away with the first person who would have him that night. He keeps waiting for Alex to walk away again, not show up one night, stay true to their decade old song and dance. 

“This is pathetic, even for you, Manes,” he tries to goad, once he starts walking his conquests past Alex. 

Alex doesn’t seem anything other than tired. “If you want to sleep with someone, I’m right here.” 

Michael’s laugh is as ugly as he feels. “How generous of you _Alex_ , but how about you fuck off and leave me the fuck alone.”

All Alex does is clench his jaw and stay in his seat. Well fuck him then. 

Nothing Michael does makes Alex go away. No matter how much he drinks, wasted and sloppy, no matter how many people he sleeps with, walking them past Alex in a cruel twist of a joke. Alex follows him night after night, a silent witness to Michael’s rapid spiral into self-destruction, stubborn as always. 

Michael thinks of the Alex in that other world, his utopia. That Alex who was so lovely and perfect, and all _Michael’s_ , clearly too good to be true now. Michael was probably right the first time, thinking that Alex was a figment of a traumatic brain’s imagination. 

But he thinks of that Alex now, as he sees _this_ Alex look angry and full of despair. He’s never seen this Alex look anything other than stoic, and it hurts Michael to see him so full of despair, so hurt, _naked_ in his projection of every emotion on his face. 

He never wanted that perfect Alex, but seeing that same vulnerability on his Alex brings him to a breaking point. 

**Alex (there)**

They make the drive back home in almost record time, sleeping and switching off driving so they don’t have to stop more than necessary. When they finally pull into their driveway, he sees Michael’s body release all the tension he had been holding in for most of the drive. Michael’s eyes light up in a way Alex never thought he’d see again. 

“I would have dreams about you while I was there, I would dream we were here on a random weekend morning, cooking breakfast while Milo ran around us in circles. But there was always something missing, every night. Every dream.” 

Alex looks at him and smiles, clasping their hands together. “I know what you mean. Our house is a home only when I’m with you.” 

They both stay in the car smiling at each other for a moment, before getting out and getting inside the house. Michael walks around each room, touching things, picking up some things and setting them down. Alex remembers the way he attempted to do the same with the other Michael, how he thought the ties to their home would be enough to bring his husband back. 

Alex realizes he was living with a ghost in his own home, haunted by the memories of his husband, even though Michael’s body was right next to his for a month. 

His husband, his _real_ Michael, turns and smiles at him, coming over to hold Alex in his arms. Alex feels so completely in love in that moment, that he can’t do anything but kiss Michael. And kiss him, and kiss him again. 

Michael breaks the kiss only long enough to lead them to the bedroom, where they spend the rest of the afternoon and night relearning each other’s bodies. Alex touches Michael slowly, rediscovering his body with fingers and lips and tongue. When Michael finally pushes into him, deep, there’s a moment when everything feels too much before slotting into place like it’s all _right_. They make love like they did in those early days, frantic and clawing, where Alex wanted to Michael all to himself all the time. 

Somewhere after they take a break for dinner and come back to bed, Michael breaks down. He weeps silently in Alex’s arms, who in turn can do nothing but hold him through the grief. Eventually Michael stops, anguished tears turned to sporadic tears. Alex gives him a glass of water, hoping this means Michael will talk to him. 

“Will you please tell me what’s wrong, babe?” he asks eventually. 

Michael sighs and looks up, tears still shining in his eyes. “That world was a bad dream, Alex. It was _full_ of pain. You were there but you were half drowned in heartbreak and loneliness.” A few more tears fall down Michael’s cheek. “Max was _dead_ in that world. Apparently my siblings and I accidentally killed Rosa back in high school, and a decade later Max brought her back and died in the process.”

Alex listens in stunned silence. _What?_

“You should have seen the life that Michael had. He had no home, no job, no friends. He didn’t even have _you._ It was like the universe was punishing me, by making me see what would happen if I lost you - I would lose my family, and my home, and everything else I love.” 

Alex keeps holding on tightly. “I don’t think the universe was punishing you, babe. Do you remember what Mimi said yesterday? This wasn’t about us. This was about _them_. They needed help and they got it from us.” 

Michael shakes his head. “What kind of help was that?”

Alex smiles down at the love of his life, and kisses his forehead. “Maybe that other Michael needs to see that the only home we’ll ever have is with each other. You are my home, Michael. And I will always be yours.”

***

They show up at Liz and Max’s around lunch time, and Michael launches himself at Max with the force of an excited labrador. Max almost bowles over, overwhelmed by Michael’s hug and emotional exclamation. Alex hugs Liz with pure happiness and tells her that life is finally back to normal as she grins back through tears of joy. 

Isobel rushes out of the house and the brotherly hug turns into a whole pod squad hug. Michael puts in similar levels of enthusiasm in his hug to Noah as well, who seems delighted to have his best friend back. Alex rounds up to Max and then Isobel and they hug tightly, standing in the kitchen watching the kids run up and puppy pile on Michael as he shrieks with joy. Isobel smiles at Alex and walks over to the pile, leaving Max and Alex alone. 

Max keeps a hand around Alex’s shoulder. “So what actually happened?” he asks softly, low enough that Liz or Isobel or Michael can’t hear. 

Alex keeps his eyes on the joyful scene in front of him, but turns his head a little towards Max. “He was actually gone to another universe. The Michael over the last month wasn’t him - he was in another world, and there was _another_ Michael here. He was trying to tell us, he kept saying that, remember?” He has to look down because I can’t look at anyone while saying this, “I was wrong, Max.”

Max’s hold around his shoulder gets a little tighter. “None of us saw it Alex, we were _all_ wrong, but you kept working at it, and you brought him back. _You_ brought him back.” 

Alex sighs in relief and puts his head on Max’s shoulder, staying in the warmth of family’s embrace. 

**Alex (here)**

It takes two more weeks before Alex gathers up the courage to approach Michael. “If you’re going to drink, then you might as well not drink alone,” he declares, thumping his one and only beer bottle in front of Michael. 

Michael looks up at him confused for a moment, before rolling his eyes and giving a sarcastic salute. “It’s a free country,” he says and goes back to his drink. 

That’s the first night Michael doesn’t go home with anyone. 

Two nights of absolutely silent drinking go by, before Michael breaks the silence.

“What was he like? The other Michael?”

Alex swallows his beer and looks up at Michael. Time for the truth. “I hated him.” 

Michael’s laugh is like shards of glass in the throat. “So all the Michael Guerins in all the worlds are never good enough for you. I should’ve figured.” He stands up abruptly, throwing a few bills on the counter, and walks out. 

Alex sits there for a moment debating what he should do next when a lovely painted hand slaps the counter in front of him. 

It’s Maria. “This is the only shot you’ll get, Alex. _Go_.” 

Alex goes. 

He sees Michael stumble walking in the parking lot and hurries to follow, spinning him around and stopping him in his tracks. 

“I hated him, Guerin, because he wasn’t _you_ . Because every day I was forced to look at him, talk to him, and work with him, knowing that he wasn’t the man I love. He was so _different_ \- and all he did was make me miss you more and it was killing me.” 

Michael’s drunken posturing disappears in a moment. He straightens and stares at Alex, anger in his lovely amber eyes. “Well here I am,” he says, arms wide open. “What do you wanna do now, Alex?”

Alex takes a deep breath, and steps in close. He puts his left hand up on Michael’s chest and looks up in his eyes. “I want to keep you,” he says softly, as his hand travels slowly up Michael’s chest to circle his neck. “Will you let me keep you, Michael? Will you be mine and promise to never ever look away? Ever again?” voice cracking a little at the truth he is finally able to share, the one thing Alex wants more than anything else in this life. 

Michael’s smile is slow and full of awe. He presses his forehead to Alex’s and closes his eyes, breathing deep and slow for a few seconds. Opening his eyes, he takes a hold of Alex’s face in both his hands, staring right into Alex’s heart. 

“I love you Alex Manes. You and I are connected,” Michael says. 

“ _Like something cosmic_ ,” Alex finishes, and Michael kisses him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over! After almost 5 months! I feel like I should give an Oscar speech: I'd like to thank the Academy and my producers and my parents....
> 
> This was a labor of love. And I was supported by a whole village, led by [estel_willow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estel_willow/pseuds/estel_willow) who is a ray of sunshine in my life. Also a big shoutout to [ninhursag](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninhursag/profile) who let me borrow the scenes of Alex watching Michael spiral, originally from her fic. 
> 
> My eternal thanks to the denizens of the Junkyard, who heard me and supported me and never said a single unkind word! You're all my faves! 
> 
> I may add future codas to this universe, as ideas come to me :)


End file.
